rage, resentment and revenge fantasy

Hi I have recently posted with symptoms of a genital sore which I suspected was syphilis. my result was negative (also tested negative for all other stds) but will be retested, so far a diagnosis has been made of non specific ulcer. It causes me no pain but the appearance and stale smell disturbs me. I have itchy eyes on waking with a desire to rub. I suspect i have foul breath also. I contracted gonorrhea ten years ago for which I took medorrhinum (?). My sleep patterns are ok and I have normal energy to work etc. The most significant and worrying thing is that i have this rage inside me directed towards a small group of close friends who i feel have betrayed or judged me in some way.I am not self pitying but I feel unappreciated and inconsequential. Often have the feeling that people are not listening to what I have to say and I get talked over in group conversation.I am not self loathing, in fact I feel I deserve better though I am not overly confident. I am typically a very mild,dependable and loyal friend who on occasion puts certain friends on a pedestal.Friends may describe me as distracted or detached, aloof, serious,socially boring which affects me profoundly. I have violent thoughts about one individual which I've never acted on but I have mildly self harmed with rage since i was a young child. I and I berate myself later. I want to get this sorted because I haven't mentioned this to anyone but I have the feeling that it underlies all my physical and mental problems. thanks