Can Homeopathy help me with Chronic Social Anxiety, Excessive and Perverse Sexuality, Jealousy in Relationships

I am a 41 year old single male from India.

At present, I am living with my mother. My father was a retired government servant. He died about 6 months ago due to kidney failure. My mother is 65 and has a psychological disease called Paranoid Schizophrenia. My younger brother, who is 32 years old, works and stays in another state.

We moved into this village house in October 2005, after my father’s retirement. Before that we lived in Mumbai. We have changed our residences 4-5 times in past 30 years or so due to various reasons.

About my problems:

According to me, there are 3 main issues that have been troubling me the most throughout my life so far. They are as follows.

Social Anxiety

The most important psychological difficulty I have been facing from as long as I can remember is Anxiety in general and Social Anxiety in particular. This is perhaps the mother of all my other problems! I had it when I was in school. I was a nervous, anxious and fearful child inside, although I tried my best to not appear so to others. I hardly participated in any social activities, competitions, etc. where there was any possibility of performing in front of others or being watched, judged, criticized by others. I was deathly scared of ‘what others will think about me?’

I experienced all those typical ‘fearful’ physical symptoms like excessive sweating, dry mouth, sweaty palms, churning stomach, racing heart, etc. etc. whenever I was in a ‘social situation’.

I have always been burdened by this pressure of ‘others’ watching me, judging my behavior and performance, and criticizing me if I made any mistakes or appear or do something foolish, etc. This resulted in me becoming extremely self-conscious in other people’s presence. I always tried to ‘act’ confident, smart, good, etc. just to make a good impression on others and to avoid appearing less competent, foolish, vulnerable, nervous and anxious.

But more often than not, this resulted in me becoming even more self-conscious, anxious and unnatural. Even as simple a thing as talking to someone became a kind of a ‘performance’ for me. I was always ‘performing’ in front of others, and every social situation was a ‘performance anxiety’ situation for me. I was never able to relax, be natural and be myself.

This social anxiety grew out of proportion during my adolescence. When I went to college, it was extremely difficult for me to cope with the more ‘open’, social and bolder environment. I was constantly anxious and nervous when I was in the college, particularly so when girls were around. I started avoiding all sorts of contact with people and gradually went on becoming a loner. I slowly lost contact with even my old friends, school-mates and relatives.

For years (about 20-25 years now), I became almost completely house-trapped. I went out of the house only when it was unavoidable. Otherwise I stayed in my room most of the time, reading books, using the computer, surfing the Internet, helping around in the house, cleaning, etc. My parents, brother and a few neighboring kids to whom I used to give tuitions, were the only other people in my life.

It is only in recent years, perhaps due to growing age and maturity that I am being able to cope with this to some extent. My reading on psychotherapies like CBT and REBT has helped me understand that my own thoughts, beliefs and attitudes cause the anxiety (or any emotion or feeling, for that matter) and by being aware of them and changing them I can change my feelings and actions.

But even now I am not going out as much and constantly keep avoiding social encounters. I want to break out of this cycle. I decide many times that from tomorrow I shall start going out, doing all the important outdoor works, etc. I plan and schedule. I read self-development books, e-books, Internet articles, etc. (I have been doing all this for past 15-20 years now! And, as I now understand, this itself has been one big avoidance strategy of my mind!) But when the moment of action comes, I cringe, avoid and stay in my comfort zone (home). I don’t like the fact that even at the age of 41, I am not financially independent. But I still keep postponing things for tomorrow…

Of course, at present, I am fulfilling an important role in our house – that of a ‘care-giver’ to my mother. But I didn’t really have a choice! Since I am always at home, I had to! My father and brother were mostly busy outside with their jobs, friends, activities, etc. So I was the only person who was their at home with my mother.

It has been very difficult for me to stay with her all the time and at times I get extremely frustrated and angry. Particularly, for past 5 years or so, as she has stopped taking any medication and has been in the worst phase of her disease ever. But, I accepted even this against the possibility of going out and finding a job and living my own independent life.

But, the thoughts about my future, earning my livelihood, finding a life-partner, etc. keep haunting me many times. All this frustrates me and I feel somewhat depressed as well. I try to console myself by thinking that I am not completely useless and a burden here. I am helping my mother, and was helping my father manage mom’s problem, etc. (which is true to some extent). But that doesn’t satisfy enough. What about my life? The fact remains that I am still financially dependent on my father’s pension and the money sent by my brother. That hurts! But I am also stuck here with my mother.

I am also not very clear about what I should do now or in the future. I feel confused about which direction, which field of activity I should engage myself in. I have self-learned some computer graphics designing and web designing in the past few years. But could never go out to find a job due to my SAD. I also believe that I have some flair for writing and many times think of trying writing on freelance basis or at least doing a course in it. But when it comes to actually doing the needful things, I postpone.

I haven’t even completed my graduation for the same reasons. Every year I keep thinking about completing my graduation in psychology…and then may be learning the counseling skills so that perhaps I might be able to help people just like me…But everything remains in my mind and on the paper. My socially anxious life-style ruins it all.

I feel like learning some alternative therapy like Bach Flower Therapy and maybe help others feel better. But before I can do so, I think, I must experience the therapy myself first and see if it is really effective or not. Otherwise what’s the point?

Excessive and Perverse Sexuality

Another problem has been that of a kind of an addiction to masturbation. To some extent this is understandable. I have been constantly at home without any access to the thrills and enjoyments of the outside world, without any friends of the opposite sex, without a life-partner or marriage. So my mind found the safest way of getting some pleasure in my otherwise anxious, dull and depressive life. But, the problem is, this has been excessive (until 2-3 years back, I was masturbating daily and sometimes even 4-5 times a day) and has been affecting my physical health.

I feel a constant tightness in my upper abdomen, chest, and even head. I feel kind of a sensation (not pain), in the region of the spinal chord exactly behind the upper abdomen (solar plexus?). This (upper part of the abdomen) is also the area where my anxiety, fear seems to affect the most. I feel a kind of a contracted feeling there.

I feel weakness in the left part of the body. Sometimes there is some pain in the left side of the neck, shoulder, waist, left hand, left leg, etc. All in all, the left side feels somewhat weaker.

Also, in past 15-20 years, I have been gradually loosing my hair. At present I have lost almost 60-70% of them and have developed male pattern baldness. I have read (on a homeopathy website) that excessive masturbation can cause hair loss and that homeopathic treatment can even regrow hair! How far is this true?

I also seem to have a prostate enlargement problem. For past few years, I feel some pain in the right side of the abdomen during and after masturbation. I have to urinate frequently and the flow of urine is very thin and restricted. Even after urination sometimes the bladder feels as if not emptied completely and urine keeps dripping drop by drop. There is some pain in the testicles, groin area and particularly severe in the lower back – more so on the left side – which has increased in past few of months or so.

Also recently I have found a lump of the size of a peanut in the left testicle. That seems to me the reason of the pain in the left side of the waist and groin.

Also, I have a kind of a perversion of masturbating in front of females in the surroundings. This has given me a bad name in the community. This further accentuates my social problems and avoidance. I even know that this can attract legal punishment. But even then I keep doing it (although to quite a lesser extent now).

I don’t know, but can this ‘strange’ habit of mine have roots in a punishment I was given by my school teacher when I was in the KG? I was made to stand naked in front of the whole class! I don’t even remember exactly how did I feel then…but how else must have I felt? Greatly embarrassed and humiliated! Can there be a link between this incidence and my social anxiety and the ‘exhibitionistic’ tendencies?

But all in all, perhaps due to growing age and maturity, I feel somewhat less sexual these days. And even when the feeling is there, it is not so overpowering. I can manage and control it better.

Jealousy in Relationships

Another issue I am frequently troubled by is of jealousy, suspiciousness in relationships. (In spite of my social anxiety and a very restricted life-style, I have been having my share of experiences of relationships with the opposite sex – very rare though!) But as you can expect with a nervous, insecure, anxious and sexual mind, I have been always possessive, suspicious, and jealous in them. This has been adding to my anguish. I have been going to the extent of ‘spying’ on the girls I have been involved with.

In short, these 3 issues are the most important - the core issues perhaps.

• Social (and general) Anxiety.
• Excessive and perverse sexual thinking and behavior.
• Jealousy in relationships.

And all these 3 issues seem to be interrelated and interdependent – one leading to the other – one complimenting the other.

Other related problems are,

• Feelings of inferiority in front of others
• Lack of confidence in my abilities
• Indecisiveness about what to do now and in future
• Mild depressive feeling
• Automatic negative thinking, etc.

Looking from the positive angle, what I really hope to have is a more relaxed, peaceful, loving, trusting, self-confident, socially confident, financially independent kind of a life. In short a happy, healthy and wealthy life!

I have started taking 3 Bach Flower Remedies namely Mimulus, Aspen and Larch for past 2 months or so. I have also ordered for Holly and am thinking of adding 2-3 more remedies like Scleranthus, Cerato, Wild Oat etc. to these in near future. I am feeling somewhat calm and less nervous and anxious. But since my problems are also a lot physical in nature, I thought that perhaps it will be wise to consult a homeopath as well along with taking these remedies.