Frustrated

Hey Simone, thanks for replying.
I'm using Ars Alb 30C, in pellet form. Taking 5 pellets under the tongue, usually in the morning, and again in the day when I feel my mood is tanking.
I'm not sure if the info is the same as the other thread. Should I fill out the questionnaire again?


Evocationer,

I wasn't aware naturopaths weren't the best to contact as far as homeopathics. I did wonder whether my naturopath was an expert in homeopathics or not, because when I came home and looked up Pulsatilla, I didn't feel it was a good match for my son as a whole--he is not tearful and weepy, he's more on the irritable side.
Personally I would love to take classes and learn homeopathy myself, but I'm not sure where would be best to seek that out, or how long it takes to get a good working knowledge of homeopathic remedies.

As for your comment, 'HOW you use the medicine matters, not WHAT you use.' Do you mean I could pick any remedy and it wouldn't matter? That doesn't sound right to me.

I would be interested to know if you have any tips for me or my son...I'd be happy to fill out the questionnnaire if that would help.

Anyway, thanks for the replies.

Something else, I guess I want to know...do homeopathics really make that big of a difference if you do get the right remedy, dose, etc? I mean for example someone has a back injury, would homeopathics alleviate the pain or just help them heal a little faster? Or with the depression, do they just help a little or are you supposed to be 'cured'? I was really excited thinking they actually did work but I guess I just want to know for sure if they do have a dramatic result or just very subtle type of support to the body vs a cure.

OK, thanks Simone.

Thank you for clarifying, that makes sense what you said as far as just because someone is using a homeopathic medicine, doesn't mean it is true 'homeopathy'.

Thank you also for the encouragement that homeopathics can actually work.

I would like to know, for filling out the questionnaire, what should I be aiming for? Telling what symptoms I am experiencing right now in day 6 of withdrawing the antidepressants, or how I felt prior to stopping the antidepressants? I guess what I'm getting at, should I try to delineate what symptoms seem to be withdrawals and what my depression symptoms were prior to stopping meds?

I would also say that, I am not sure what my 'baseline' is as far as depression that is unmedicated, since I have been on antidepressants in one form or another off and on for about 10 years.

Bump

OK great, thank you so much. I am working on filling out the questionnaire in between getting the kids to bed. Will post as soon as I can.
Thanks again for your time.

1] Your Complaint:
I am depressed, have anxiety, and anger/irritability. I cannot enjoy life even though nothing overly bad is happening to me right now.

• What is your complaint? depression
• When did the complaint begin? I was first diagnosed about 10 years ago, though I imagine it started before that.
• What sort of sensations (and emotions) do you associate with it? Feeling worthless, like I and those around me would be better off if I were dead, wishing I could die without making anyone sad, wishing I was never born, feeling I am defective/broken and should never have been carried to term. Feeling a deep emptiness in the pit of my stomach, just under the rib cage in front.



• Does anything make it better or worse? Being asleep---then I don't feel bad while asleep. It is worse when overly tired, when a lot of demands are on me, whenI don't have time to be alone. Seems to flare up after a period of high stress.
• How does it bother you? How is it coming in way of your day-to-day life? It bothers me because I have no desire or motivation to do things like clean, cook, interact or play with my two children, or be social.
• How does it feel like to have this/these problem/s? It feels like I want to die because I cannot escape these awful feelings.
• What is the effect of this/these problem/s on you? They make me not want to attempt anything that requires a commitment, because from one day to the next I can't tell if I will feel awful or feel halfway decent. They make me feel like I am failing in every area of life because I have no ambition and can't even be a good mother when I don't have any other responsibilities.
• Did any event happen which caused the complaint? Describe the emotion associated with it. I feel it was present to some extent in my childhood, but came to a head when my parents divorced about 10 years ago. At that point I started taking mediaction for it. My dad cheated on my mom at that time and I felt betrayed, abandoned, like he never loved us, and it made me feel like all my happy moments in childhood were a lie. Such as Christmases together, outings, any moments where I felt loved by him, etc.
• What are the other symptoms started with it, esp. mental and physical not symptoms, which are not directly related to the main complaint. I don't recall specific physical complaints which may have started then.
What are your reactions with it? I get daily migraines, not sure if they are related to the depression, or the anxiety, or sleep deprivation from my 10 month old waking 8-10 times a night from birth. My older child did the same thing, so I really haven't had much sleep over the last 4 years.



MIND
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1] What are the issues which are bothering you the most? How does it feel to have these issues? What about these issues bothering you the most and why?
Feeling like a non-productive member of society, wanting to aspire to help others but unable to help myself...feeling like a worthless waste of breath and space. My father is a social misfit and a loser and when I get like this, I feel I have turned out just like him, which makes me feel even more awful.
2] What are the emotions that you are going through? What are the factors to which you are sensitive? What about these factors bother you the most? How does it feel to have these factors and how you react during such time? I think I have described the emotions pretty well.
The things that bother me the most are feeling helpless. I hate feeling helpless and vulnerable. If I can think up a solution or something to try, I feel better, but when I can't think of what to do I feel helpless and then I just give up and feel awful.
3] Any incident which had a deep impact on you? Describe in detail. What are the thoughts/feelings/sensations associated with it? At that moment of time what were your feelings/thoughts, sensations and reactions associated with it?
I had a miscarriage 2 years ago. It made a huge impact on me. I was thrown into a deep depression afterwards and very very angry at God for taking my baby away. I also was angry with myself and my body for failing to keep the pregnancy.
When the miscarriage was first starting to happen I felt sort of ok with it, like, oh well, we can try again, etc. but then I ended up hemorrhaging really badly, needing blood transfusions, an emergency D&C, and then the next day developed a blood clot in my lung. It left me feeling helpless, vulnerable, betrayed by the medical profession, powerless, and like I had no voice or say over my body or what they were going to do medically.
This still affects me today. It has taken away my belief that God is a good God and doesn't let bad things happen to us, or give us more than we can handle. It has made me anxious that my loved ones will die or that I will die. It has made me distrust the medical profession, because they couldn't save my baby or do anything for me. I feel I am totally alone in handling my problems because no one else would understand.
4] What are your anxieties/fears/phobias real or imaginary?
I feel anxious about everything. I worry that I could die, that my husband could die, but especially I fear for my children, the youngest especially. I worry he may die in his sleep, that it would be my fault. I play out endless scenarios of what I would do if this happened, what I would do if that happened. Most times when I play things out, they end poorly in my imagination. For example, if my husband were away and someone broke into our house, how could I escape and protect my children? I can never figure out a way to do both.
I worry about my depression having a lasting negative impact on our children. I fear that the older of the two (he's 4) is already showing some signs of being affected by me. I fear they will turn out just like me...depressed, hopeless, helpless.
I still hate bees. Especially yellow jackets. Spiders don't seem to bother me much now. I don't like things crawling on my skin. Yuck.
I worry I won't be able to cope if something bad happens to us.

Describe them in detail. What about them is bothering you the most? What are the feelings associated with it? What could be the worst form of fear/phobia/anxiety according to you?
My worst fear would be to have one of my children die, followed closely by having my husband die, followed by me dying and leaving them all without a mother or wife.
If one of my children died, I think I would feel that it must be my fault, I should have kept them safe. And if somehow one of them died, I think I would absolutely lose my mind. I might kill myself. And then I would feel even more guilty because of how it would affect my family. I do worry about something like that happening..I feel I constantly worry about my own ability to handle stress or bad situations. That at any moment I might crumble and with that, the world around me would crumble too. I must think I'm some sort of powerful person if I am keeping everything together by myself...if I am keeping everyone from dying. I suppose that's easier to bear than the reality that I have no control over any of it. Feeling powerless and out of control are the worst feelings ever to me. Right up there with helpless and vulnerable.

5] What are your interests and hobbies? What about it you like the most and why?
With being depressed, I don't have much interest in anything, but normally, I like to paint, sing, play guitar, draw, read, crochet/knit, quilt, do beading, etc. I like to do creative things because it makes me feel proud of myself, feel alive, feel the zest of life, the creative juices flowing and it helps me feel like I am someone worth while, that I am special, that I have something that people would admire me for. Same for singing, I have a good voice and it pleases me to put it to use. I like to harmonize and make the song sound pretty.
6] What are the thoughts which are coming in your mind again and again? What about them bothers you the most? The thoughts that bother me most are the ones where I imagine a bad situation and entertain that all the way to the end and play it over and over in my head, trying to figure out how I would cope with it. For example, my baby gets sick, I take him to the hospital, but someone there messes up and it kills him, then they hide the evidence and won't give me his body to do an autopsy, and how do I make them give it to me? Do I threaten them with a gun? No, then I'd just go to jail. Do I threaten them with a knife? No, they'd just call police. What if I were to break down and cry in front of them? Then they'd see my weakness and I'd never get my baby's body back. What if I were to tell them that I was going to make their lives miserable? It might not really do anything and they could keep gloating over me and withholding what I truly wanted.

7] Any unusual sensation/vibration or movements have you experienced? If yes, describe them in detail. Describe the whole process of that sensation without adding or subtracting a word from it.
Prior to doing the medication taper with the antidepressants, I would have times where I felt very off-balance. Like I couldn't seem to keep my balance in space and was ever in danger of falling over or losing my balance, but if I concentrated I could keep it all right. I never actually fell, and my doctor said it was likely related to my migraines, which I get on almost a daily basis. The dizziness seemed to be getting less and less prior to stopping the meds though. Seems my brain had learned to cope with it. It sort of started out of nowhere, maybe 4 months or so after the youngest baby was born? So maybe 6 months ago. Perhaps a side effect of medication? I started a new medication somewhere in there too.

I'm not sure where to describe the migraines, so I'll put them here. I get one-sided face pain...eye socket, 'hinge' of the jaw area by my ear, ear drum, temple, back of the skull, and also the neck on that side, and sometimes even my shoulder and my hip hurt or are sensitive. I get sensitive to sounds and light. The pain isn't hugely disabling, more like a persistent dull throb that just stays in the background so long as I'm busy, but if I lay down at night it becomes something I can't ignore. Usually ibuprofen will help, sometimes all that will help is taking an Immitrex (tryptophan-based). Lack of sleep makes them worse and usually precipitates them. Since I have a chronic lack of sleep over the last 4 years, I get them almost every day. Sometimes they are on the left side, sometimes on the right. Sometimes they will move from one side to the other as the day wears on. Sometimes I wake up with one, other times I start out good and then it comes on slowly throughout the day and then is always the worst at the end of the day.

8] What is/are the bodily sensation/s you experience with all your fears/ feelings and thoughts. Please describe the complete picture of it.
Tension in my muscles, clenching of the jaw, feeling as if I'm on hyper-alert or aware as if waiting for something bad to happen so I can act on it. Feeling overwhelmed. Feeling tired all the time. Headaches constantly. Eyes feel tired from focusing and like I need to close them. A lot of tension in my neck especially and shoulders--trapezius area. Feeling like my body is always 'on' and doesn't get a chance to rest or relax.
9] Please close your eyes and bring that incident, feelings, fears, thoughts which had/having a deep impact on you/bothering you the most and see what is happening deep within your body right now. If you perceive any bodily sensation, vibration or movements please feel it completely and then right the whole experience as it is without adding or subtracting a word from it.
Recalling the dream where I killed the fish, I get a sinking feeling like doom, and a feeling of experiencingthe fear and panic that the dying animal was feeling. A deep sadness knowing I caused that. Guilt. Feeling afraid of the ramifications of what I have done.

As to the miscarriage---feeling that I have killed the baby. Like my emotions 'freeze' inside me because of the fear of what I will feel if I let them out. Like they will take over and turn me into something I can't control. Like a weight deep inside me, as if I were carrying a stone inside. Like my shoulders were being pressed down and a weight on my head. As if I wanted to sink into the ground and disappear. If I were to die, then the weight would be gone, and I could be free. That is why the desire to die...then the weight would go.

10] What according to you will be best moment of your life? How does it feel to be in that moment? What will be opposite feeling of this moment or feeling?
In the midst of depression, it's hard to feel the good feelings.
I recall once when I was a child, we all went on a trip to the beach (where we went every summer to visit my grandparents). My dad took me into a little shop and bought me a special glass hummingbird that was the most beautiful blue color. I felt special and loved and like he picked it out special just for me. I felt that he cared about me and that we had a connection.
Opposite of that is feeling abandoned, unwanted, unloved, rejected. That no one cares about my wants or feelings.
Another good feeling I recall is when my husband and I lived up in Alaska, we went on a beautiful boat ride on a perfect day. I felt so light and free, skimming over the water and watching the sunlight dance over the waves. I felt I could let my imagination roam, such as times when I would drive over Baycrest Hill in Homer, Alaska and you could look down into the water of Kachemak Bay with the mountains sprouting up out of the water. I felt I could just stick my arms out and fly and dive right into that water. It was beautiful and I loved the freedom of that feeling. Like an escape from reality.
The opposite would be having to endure endless drudgery of doing something I hate. It kills my spirit and makes me feel so dead inside, like nothing matters, like I don't matter, and nothing I do matters.
11] How do/did you react in situations which have/had a deep impact on you? What is your first reaction when you face your worst fear/situations? Describe your reaction as it is? How do you react when you are faced with stressful situations?
I feel like my first reaction is to address the crisis, I try to stay strong and get through it as best as I can, be strong, think on my feet, take care of what needs taking care of, and then when the actual crisis is over, I usually fall apart...go into depression...have no energy left and don't want to go back to doing life as normal with all it's usual obligations...I just want to withdraw, remove myself from the world, sleep, rest, reflect on the crisis and what it meant to me, try to process it and feel how it made me feel. I never feel like I get the luxury of doing that so I'm always stuck with shoving my feelings so I can get through my day.
12] What you feel/feel like doing when you are alone and free of all your work? I want time where nobody needs me, where no one will interrupt me or bother me, where I know I will be alone for a long stretch of time. I love to look out the window and feel at one with nature, see the sun shining and imagine myself blowing on a breeze, or growing in a field like a tree, or listening to what the trees are whispering when they talk. Daydream about running away to someplace beautiful and quiet, where the trees and grass and flowers are all around me, and make my home there where no one and nothing bad can visit me. Just me, the animals, and the trees. The sun. The night, with no malice in it. The moon. Stars.
13] How is your relation with your near and dear ones, at your work place? Anything in the relationship that is bothering you the most? If yes, describe that in detail? How does that feel like? How do you experience that? My relationship with my husband is the one nearest and dearest. I feel like we are hitting a rough patch, because the medications are causing me to have no sex drive, and also when I am interested, it is darn near impossible to orgasm for me, so even when I do have some mild interest, there is no pleasure in it because I know I will not be able to finish. This has totally killed any interest on my part in sex and my husband and I feel rather disconnected and aloof. I hate that and so I hope to get off these meds to feel better with he and I. That aside, I feel like we work together well, we both love and respect each other and are faithful, and that he makes a good father. I also feel, unlike how I feel about my own father, that my husband would do anything to protect me, and that he is competent and able-bodied to do so. I do feel like I would like to be more connected to him emotionally, as I always feel I cannot quite access where he is on a day to day basis. He keeps himself somewhat 'shielded' or hidden away and I can't tell how he is feeling or what is going on inside of him. I would like to know better, but he is not a big talker. However, he is deeply committed to the relationship and I know he would do anything for me.

14] Describe five negative and positive points in you? Which out of it you would put first and why? How does it feel to have that?
Negative:
Self-centered
Antisocial
Lazy
Unambitious
Spiteful and hurtful when angered

Positive:
Creative
Emotionally sensitive to what others are feeling/empathetic
Compassionate
Competent
Capable

I think I would put the empathetic first, because I have been reading/learning about that ability a lot lately, and why it can also be a negative thing because of feeling everything that's going on around me and having to deal with that on top of my own emotions. Not knowing how to handle it, what it's for, how to keep it from overwhelming me.
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DREAMS

Please answer the following:

1] Tell about the dreams that had a deep impact on you.
When I was pregnant with my younger son, I had a hard time bonding with him because I didn't want to get too attached in case he died, too. About halfway through the pregnancy I had a dream where I gave birth to him, it was at home and so very peaceful and calm. It didn't hurt at all and I wasn't afraid. He was so calm, too when he was born, just peaceful and looking around and taking it all in. I felt that that dream really helped me to bond with him and feel so much better about the pregnancy, feel love toward him and not be so detached.
I felt disappointed in the experience when he actually was born, because although it was a calm birth situation, he was not calm very much. I had a hard time getting him to nurse properly, he and I both got very frustrated with it. He barely slept, so I only slept about 8 hours in 3 days after the birth, even though I didn't have to look after our other child or do anything other than be with the newborn. I felt ripped off when I found that he was just as poor of a sleeper as his big brother was.

2] Tell about the dreams that are repetitive, strange and weird that are not related to you at all. I have had several dreams about same-gender sexual activities that I find weird, because in my waking hours I have no desire for that. One dream, I was the man in the relationship, engaged to be married to a woman, then I turned back into 'myself' (female) and shocked the bride and her family, and felt embarrassed about it.

3] Any dreams from childhood till today that you remember the most? Yes, I remember as a child I had frequent nightmares. I recall dreaming that Gumby (I was into Gumby back then and had a Gumby toy) was being held in a torture chamber by some bad guy. They were squeezing the life out of him. I felt scared for him, and sad that I could not help.
4] Any dream from childhood till today that had a deep impact on you? Not any really that impact me today, that I am aware of.
5] Any dreams, just before your problem started? Can't remember.
6] Any particular part of your life where you had some recurrent dreams? If yes, describe in detail.
A recurrent theme, prior to the birth of my 10 month old who sleeps so poorly I can hardly remember my dreams: whenever I would feel stressed out or anxious, I would dream of being chased by bad guys. Usually I was innocent but in some concentration camp, or running from the law, and big guys with guns were chasing me. I always managed to stay one step ahead of them, and strangely, those dreams didn't seem particularly scary, just a bit frenetic.
Also another recurrent dream when I was harried was dreaming I had somewhere to be, but couldn't find some article of clothing that I needed to put on in order to go. Pantyhose for a dress outfit, or shoes, or a shirt, or pants, etc. Many times people were waiting for me and would be standing around impatiently while I struggled in vain to complete that last task (putting on shoes, etc) before we could leave. I felt embarrassed and angry with myself.
Another recurring theme is that in my dream, all of a sudden I realize I had a pet I forgot about. Most recently it was a betta fish and it was white all over from disease (the 'ick'), the water was all murky, and it looked almost dead. I tried to feed it, then hurriedly clean it's fishbowl, but then in my haste forgot to neutralize the pH of the water before I put the fish back in. It made a tiny screaming sound as it died. I was horrified. Then I saw that I had forgotten a second fish, which looked to be not quite as bad off as the first, and tried to save it, too. I did the water right but in the end, it died, too. Then the dream changed, and I was with my mother in law, who was for some reason living in someplace that looked like Ethiopia, though her skin color (very light skin) was a stark contrast to those who lived there. But it was like she was a native. She lived as a race of oppressed or slave people, very poor and trying to make a living for herself. I was trying to think of how I could help her escape or be freed. Then I saw that the leader of the oppressive force was pointing a gun at her, about to shoot her. My husband appeared behind me with a gun pointed right at the leader's head, but then it turned out to be a squirt gun. The leader seemed to be some amused and didn't shoot my mother in law after all, but she continued to live there, oppressed, for the rest of her life.

7] Describe all the dreams you got during the pregnancy? One I described above. Other dreams were of protecting baby, for example, being in a convenience store to buy formula, when someone with a gun starts shooting up the place, so I duck down and try to protect my unborn baby. Or, baby being outside my body instead of inside, so I carried it in arms everywhere, it had some sort of umbilical cord I think, but it was very small.

If you have any dreams from above mentioned category, then describe the whole dream/s without adding or subtracting a word from it. We need to understand the whole dream rather than just part of it.
Sorry if the dreams seem fragmented, I am trying to recall it all.

A] Which part of this/these dream/s is most important according to you? Describe that part in detail? The ones about forgetting to take care of a small pet really bother me. That due to my negligence, something died---I killed it.
B] What was your thought/fear/feeling/perception associated with it? Describe it in detail.
I felt, how could I have been so stupid? How could I have forgotten it so long? Horrified that I caused it to die and that I wished I could have done it differently.

C] Did you perceive any movement/vibration/sensation inside your body while seeing or after waking up from the sleep? If yes, then describe it in detail. A tenseness, anxiety, and I think I was clenching my teeth while asleep. Sadness.

CHILDHOOD HISTORY
1] Any incidents from your childhood which had a deep impact on you, which touched you the most.
I was sick a lot, I had frequent UTIs as a little girl. I was born with double kidney, double ureter on both sides, and they didn't discover the UTIs until about 3 years old when I had trouble potty training. I wet the bed many, many times as well. As a baby I was very fussy all the time and slept horribly. My mom would let me play in my crib until I fell asleep from exhaustion at 1 am, then I would waken a lot as well.
I almost suffocated in my crib as an infant. I'm not sure how old. My sister, who was just a toddler, alerted my mom that I was crying while she was in a shower (she thought I was asleep). When she got upstairs I had my head wedged between the mattress and the crib and was blue. Apparently no sequelae from that, medically anyway. At 5 years old I almost drowned...I was at the beach with my family, digging in the sand with my back to the water when a rogue wave got me and the undertow was dragging me out to sea. My cousin pulled me to safety. I remember the feeling of fear and seeing how far away my parents were, that they couldn't get to me fast enough. I remember my mom trying to wash all the sand off of me afterward. How the towels hurt because of the rough sand.
Describe in detail about that incident/s and the feelings/thoughts/perception and sensations associated with it. What was your reaction to these incidents?
The times I was sick with a UTI...I felt alone, because I was the sick one and everyone else was up and about going about their lives. I felt useless, abandoned. I felt like I was defective. I couldn't play, because it hurt. I had to drink cranberry juice even though I hated it. My mom got frustrated with me so I just 'knew' it was all my fault. Maybe if I hadn't have been born, I wouldn't be hurting the people around me. I felt like my family's lives would have been better if I hadn't have been born. My sister wouldn't have felt sorry for me, she is such a compassionate person. My mom wouldn't have been frustrated with me, and my dad...well he just sort of ignored me when I was sick.
2] Describe your fears during childhood in detail.
I had nightmares all the time. Sometimes I would imagine that in the window of our bedroom (shared with older sis), behind the blinds there was a giant eye looking in. When I would close my eyes at night, I would see green and purple swirls (I still do pretty often), and I thought there was something wrong with me.
I would lay awake in bed at night and imagine things to be afraid of, like what if there were a whole colony of ants crawling all over the floor under my bed? Or a hairy brown wolf with big teeth? Then I'd be so afraid of that thing I imagined.
3] Any imagination/fantasies/imaginary fears which you remember the most?
The eye in the window stands out to me, but also the imaginary things under my bed. I also was very afraid of bees after being stung and chased by an angry hive my dad disturbed by accident at 10 years old. I was deathly afraid of them and also spiders. I had a very active imagination, so it was easy to 'flesh out' my fears into something quite scary.
I guess as a child I had a lot of fantasies, I don't quite remember what but my mom would call me her 'airy fairy' child. She used to say of me that I lived on a different plane of existence that only slightly intersects ours. As I got older I felt that meant my isolation and loneliness were something I could never change, because there was no way for me to 'get to' people in the real world. I was stuck somewhere else in no-man's land.
4] What you wanted to become as a child and why? I wanted to grow up to build robots. I thought robots were fascinating around 9 years old, and I wanted to learn to do all the electrical wiring, and build something that would be really cool.
5] During acute conditions like fever/diarrhoea/cough/vomiting etc., did you use to have nightmares/dreams during or just before the acute illnesses? If yes, describe them in detail about it. I can't recall, sorry!
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S L E E P

1] Describe your posture in sleep. (On the back, side, abdomen etc.) Are you able to sleep in any position? In which position you can’t sleep?
I can't sleep well on my back, because the back of my throat feels like it closes up. I sleep on my stomach (mostly) or my side.

2] During sleep do you:
a) Snore? Not usually. While pregnant, yes.
b) grind teeth? I don't think so, but I frequently find when I wake that I have been clenching my teeth.
c) Dribble saliva? Not lately, but then again, I don't really get good quality deep sleep, which seems to be when I do get drool on the pillow by morning. These days with my 10 month old, I get woken every hour to two hours all night long, so I don't get time to really settle into a deep sleep.
d) Sweat? Yes, it drives me nuts! I have night sweats almost every night since the birth of my youngest. It seems like it's gone on quite a bit longer than it should have. I can understand the night sweats immediately post partum, as the hormones are normalizing, but now, it should have been done, I would think.
e) Keep eyes or mouth open? Not eyes, that I'm aware of. Sometimes the mouth.
f) Walk? Talk? Not walk, no. Talk in my sleep rarely.
g) Moan? Weep? No
h) Become restless? Wake up with a jerk? Occasionally wake up with a jerk when my son doesn't wake me up, and I'm checking on him to make sure he's still breathing.

3] Describe if anything else is unusual about your sleep: (sleepy, sleeplessness, etc. if so when?)
Just that it is always fragmented so I always wake up tired. ________________________________________

APPETITE AND THIRST

1] How is your appetite? Fair, not as good as it should be due to the depression. Many times I feel hunger pangs but then nothing sounds good and I don't know what to make, so I don't eat anything. Then the hungry feeling goes away for awhile. Sometimes I don't feel hungry even though I should be.
2] When are you hungry? I don't get hungry in the morning until about 2 hours after I wake up. Sometimes I feel a little hungry
3] What happens if you have to remain hungry for long? Seems like I feel hungry a little at first, and then it goes away and I don't feel hungry anymore. That happens for an hour or so and then I feel STARVING and feel that I must eat right away. I eventually get shaky feeling and feel tired and like I must sit down. Sometimes I get a headache from the low blood sugar.
4] How fast do you eat? I used to be a slow eater, before I had kids. My molars have areas where they don't meet very well in the back, one side more than the other, so I can only chew on one side primarily, because it grinds the food better than the other. Hence eating slow before to chew properly. Now though I hurry through because someone might need me and my food will go cold.
5] How much thirst do you have? Fair, more than normal with breastfeeding
6] Any particular time are you especially thirsty? In the evenings. In the morning I seem to not be thirsty so much even though I should be. I don't drink much water till the afternoons and evenings when I feel more thirsty.
7] Do you feel any change in your taste and feeling in your mouth? With the depression food seems to not taste so good. Just sort of bland or I don't enjoy it or something. Just kind of blah...just eating so I don't have to have the hungry feeling, not eating because I'm enjoying my food.
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Food/Drink likes and dislikes, and how strongly
Likes: dairy a lot, milk, cheeses, etc. Dairy is my main source of calories. Love a nice cup of black tea in the morning, double strength with cream and sugar. Feel irritated if I can't have it. Like pasta, rice, chicken, cruciferous vegetables like broccoli, cabbage, asparagus, brussels sprouts. Lettuce, spinach, apples, bananas, grains, peanut butter especially, honey, molasses. Eggs. Strawberries and blueberries. Don't drink a lot of fruit juices or soda, but occasionally like a glass of apple cider, grape juice or a sip of soda.
Dislikes: the texture of many meats, like steak, chicken on the bone, turkey, tough pork. I don't like the feeling of the muscle fibers in my mouth, having to chew and chew and chew it makes me feel kind of sick to my stomach a bit like I have to gag it down. I like the smell of those kinds of meats cooking, but the texture makes me not want them at all. I like chicken breast if it's not shredded. I like lunch meats and ham because of the smoother texture.
I dislike tomatoes plain, but ok cooked or in salsa. Dislike some squashes that feel stringy in my mouth, they make me gag. Dislike lima beans, yuck. Dislike seafood in almost all forms. I don't like the fishy smell to it, and even non-fishy, fresh stuff, I fear it might smell fishy, and eat it on the ready to dislike it if something is gross. HATE tuna in a can, can't stand the smell. Things like squid really gross me out, that people eat that seems disgusting to me. No sushi. I have eaten dried seaweed and thought it was pretty good.

STOOL
1] Do you have any problem regarding your stools? I tend toward constipation, it has been a constant problem since baby was born 10 months ago.
2] When and how many times a day do you pass stools? Usually several times a day, in hard little stones. Although, since reducing the medication I was taking, seems to be improving, so that may have been a side effect I wasn't aware of.
3] When is it urgent? Usually about an hour after I wake up.
4] Do you have any problem about bowel movements? Something that is a problem is a separation in the rectal muscles in the perineum, they have not gone back together since childbirth. It was a slight problem after the birth of my first son, now much more of a problem with the second. I usually have to place a finger to have counter-pressure to support the weak area while having a bowel movement.
5] Do you have to strain for stool? Even if soft? When it is hard, yes, but soft, not really.
6] Do you have belching or passing gas? Describe its character. Usually pass gas in the mornings on awakening, some at night. Burping a bit after eating, but neither seem to be a problem or particularly noxious or embarassing.
7] How do you feel after passing gas up or down? Better/relieved.
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URINATION & URINE
1] Any problem about urine? Not really.
2] Any strong smell? Like what? no
3] Do you have any trouble before, during and after passing urine? Sometimes I feel a slight pain in the right lower abdomen when the urge to urinate strikes. Then it goes away when I do urinate.
4] Any difficulty about the flow? Slow to start, interrupted, feeble dribbling etc.? No
5] Any involuntary urination? When? No. Some after birth but seems to have stopped



SWEAT/PERSPIRATION-FEVER-CHILL
1] How much do you sweat? More than normal for me, I seem to run hot on my body's internal temperature. I used to be colder than my husband, but now, often I will be warmer than him, to the point where if the weather outside goes to 60 degrees, I feel too hot. I feel overheated after a short, hot shower and sweat after that. I sweat at night as well.
2] Where and on what part do you sweat the most? In my armpits, my scalp, and crotch area.
3] Do you perspire on the palms or soles? occasionally the soles, but that kind of sweat is usually more cold and clammy.
4] Is the sweat warm, cold, clammy, sticky, musty, greasy, stiffens the linen etc.? Warm and wet
5] What is the smell like? E.g. foul, pungent, sour, and urinous. As the day goes on, my armpits smell kind of stinky, and by morning I feel I must have a shower or I can't stand the smell of myself, especially in the groin area. It's especially off-smelling down there.
6] What color does it stain the clothing? I haven't really noticed sweat stains once it's dry, but then I usually wear darker-ish colors, not white or very light ones.
7] Is the stain easy to wash off or difficult? easy
8] Any symptoms after sweating? At night I wake up in a sweat, nurse the baby, then feel chilled, pull the covers up only to wake up in a sweat again.
9] When do you get fever or chill? Only when I seem to be coming down with an illness. I haven't had a real fever in a long time, it seems. I get chilled when I am tired, my body seems to slow down and have a hard time keeping me warm.
10] What brings it on? Being overtired, or in a cold room for a long time.
11] Do you experience any sense of heat or cold in any part of your body at any particular time? My feet usually feel coldest when I am cold, or my hands. Usually I notice my feet first though. When I feel overheated, my feet feel hot, and my upper body, too, I think in my upper chest area by my neck. ________________________________________

CHEST-HEART – COLD – COUGH
1] Do you catch cold often? If so, how often? No, I don't seem to, maybe once or twice a year.
2] Describe the symptoms, nature of discharge etc. Clear discharge over a few days, cough, discharge gets yellowish in color, cough gets throatier, lungs sometimes seem to 'itch' I have noticed, when the cold is healing. I also have noticed the feeling of irritation in the right lung just once in a great while, off and on, say maybe once every 3 months or so. This is in the same area of the lung that I had a pulmonary embolism (blood clot), back in January 2012. Sometimes I wonder if part of the lung died when that happened, or if it never healed properly, causing the irritated feeling.
3] Is there any trouble with your CHEST or HEART? My heart every once in awhile, maybe a few times a month, will race for no apparent reason. This was very apparent during pregnancy, and I was on Atenolol (a very low dose) during both pregnancies (not including the one that miscarried), in order to keep in in check. I usually have a low-normal blood pressure reading, like usually 110/78. When my heart races, I feel weak, as if I have been running a marathon, and like all my strength got flushed out through my feet. I have to sit down, feel like I have to catch my breath. It is worse with hot weather, hot drinks, hot showers, and better with cold air and when I am a little on the cold side physically. Now that I'm not pregnant anymore, it is subsiding mostly, but still happens once in awhile. It makes me feel tired.
4] Is there any trouble with your voice or speech? no
5] Is there any difficulty in breathing? no
6] Do you have cough? no
7] Is it more at any particular time? Only when sick________________________________________


SEXUAL SPHERE (GENERAL)
1] Any excessive indulgence in sex in past and present ? Any effect on your health? No
2] How do you feel after sexual intercourse? Depends on if I orgasm or not. If I do, then I feel good, like a warm glow, content, happy, loved. If I don't orgasm, it can feel frustrating or not fulfilling.
3] Any particular feeling or symptoms appear before, during and after sexual intercourse? I tend to get nervous about sex, hoping I will orgasm, afraid how I may look or sound, afraid I will disappoint my husband, afraid he will work hard to get me to orgasm but not be rewarded in the end.
I also have a problem of feeling irritation around the opening of the vagina, and just slightly inside, which is worsened by sex. It limits us somewhat on how long I can go on with sex, and it interferes with my ability to enjoy it, many times. It seems like I sort of feel numb inside a lot of times, like I have lost the good sensations during sex.
In the past, it was worse, to where I was using numbing cream when we would have sex to be able to endure it. Then, about 4 years ago, I had a surgical procedure to repair a ureterocele that I had had since babyhood, but was never fixed. They used a cystoscope to laser it away, and after that procedure, the pain with sex went away completely. Now, it's been creeping back a bit, but I had everything checked via cystoscope and they didn't find a ureterocele this time.
4] Do you suffer from any sexual disturbance? No, don't seem to.
(Homosexual inclination etc.?)
5] Any habit like (masturbation etc.) in past as well as present? How often? Occasionally, maybe once every month or two.
6] Did you suffer from any venereal disease? Never
Syphilis? Gonorrhoea? No
7] Do you have increased desire or decreased desire for sex? decreased greatly due to medications. Normally have a healthy desire
8] What is the method you use for family planning?_____Mini-pill (progesterone only) ___________________________________
FOR WOMEN
1] Menses: How are the periods; regular or irregular? Usually regular. I have not had a period since before my youngest was conceived---so over a year ago.
2] At what age did it start? About 15
3] Was there any trouble then? No, seemed to be heavy, and PMS was always there
4] Mention number of days of flow. about 7-8 from start to finish
5] Menstrual flow: Is there any change in quantity, color, smell or consistency? N/A
6] Are the stains difficult to wash? They do stain clothing and can't really get them out.
7] Have you noticed any variation in quality and quantity of flow during menses? N/A
8] How and when?
9] Do you suffer in any way before, during or after menses? If so, describe. Yes, I get PMS symptoms---irritability, headaches (migraine-like usually, or tension headache), moody, tearful, verbally combative with husband, believing the worst of anything he says (offended easily), taking things too personally, pessimistic. Sensitive to smells; also the sight of any foods that remind me of blood like ketchup for example, make me feel nauseated.
10] What symptoms did you suffer during menopause? N/A
11] Do you feel the internal parts coming down? no
12] Is there any white discharge? yes
13] If so, mention the nature, color, consistency and smell of discharge. kind of milky colored, slimy, and smells a little off--fishy, I suppose
14] When and under what circumstances is it more or less? Normally when not on birth control, it waxes and wanes with the cycle, but now is pretty consistent since the hormones regulate it
15] Has the discharge any relation to menses? Yes
16] What is the effect of this discharge on your general feeling? Or any of your symptoms? It doesn't bother me.
17] Any itching, excoriation etc. due to discharge? From time to time seems itchy underneath it, for example if I wipe it away the skin underneath seems irritated. However I seem to have that problem anyway of the vagina being irritated (despite not having any infection).
18] Do you pass any gas from vagina? Occasionally after sex, depending on the position
19] Any trouble with breasts? Hm, I don't like the way one nipple is shaped. Almost like a comma. I'm also bothered by how big my areolas are. I don't think it's attractive.


Aggravated or Ameliorated by various Factors


Affected by the Environment in any way, and how does it affect you? We live in a big city now, and the city life makes me feel a little sad, like I have lost my connection to nature, like everyone is too much in a hurry to appreciate it, that the trees might be sad by being boxed in by so much concrete. That I can't just go out on a walk without worrying about my safety and my children's safety. I feel I would much prefer to be in the country. When we lived up in Alaska though, surrounded by nature, I still had a problem feeling depressed, and couldn't enjoy it like I should.

Affected by position in any way? Right now with having some medication withdrawals, I am feeling off balance, such that even driving in the car I feel like I'm driving too fast for my center of gravity to catch up with me, so to speak. Sudden movements of the head make me feel disoriented a bit. The first few days I felt as if the room were just slowly spinning to the right if I closed my eyes.

Affected by some physical activity? Too much exertion seems to make my heart pound and I can't seem to get my breath as well as I should.

Affected by some mental activity? High amounts of stress, like reacting to a very stressful situation, makes me 'crash' afterward in the form of depression.

Anything else you are sensitive to? The feelings of others. I can easily feel what they are feeling, sometiems the feelings of a stranger across the room. Even the pets, I can feel they want something from me and it's overwhelming a lot of times. I don't know how to deal with it properly.

I have not seen LM at the natural foods stores I've been to. Do you have any suggestions for where to buy? Online perhaps?

Also, I'm not familiar with the different potencies, but Whole Foods sells 200CK, not sure if that's similar or not.

Thanks Simone!

I wanted to double check with Evocationer, I can get 6C from my local Whole Foods, and I can possibly get it in 200CK (I know they carry that potentcy line, just not sure if they have Sepia) if that is better than 6C. I may need to order 12C online, if I dont't find it around here. Or I can wait and order the LM, if it is better to wait. I'm anxious to start, and would rather not wait. But, I'd also like to know if I am in for a rough time, if I don't get the LM potentcy. Just so I can weigh all the options!

OK. Thank you!

All right, thank you for clarifying and explaining that for me. I'm nervous to start but have the Boiron Sepia 6C pellets. Ready for instructions. Also curious if it may affect my nursing child at all? And I took a half dose of both of my antidepressants yesterday because I couldn't bear it. Do I stop those completely?

OK. I will need to go out and get some alcohol as we don't usually keep any on hand. I have a Snapple glass bottle, that is clean, which I can sterilize...will that be ok? It is 16 oz size. I also have a variety of glass jars including a half gallon size mason jar.

Also, should I take the remedy any certain time of day? Should I take it at a different time than my medications?

Thanks for replying so quickly.