lachesis vs phosphorus _{Page 2 of 13}

Another thing...

When there is conflict at home between family members I feel great sympathy. But if for example I have a disagreement with my mother and she later starts crieing and feeling self pity I cannot stand it. I feel destructive anger and feel like wanting to run down and hit her a few times or something. I cannot tolerate it. It irritates me so much her weak behaviour, self pity... But of course this is just a thought, nothing more.


And about my attention seeking behaviour that happens from time to time on a forum, like that problem I had on the socialphobiaworld.com forum. I was nice and good at first. Than I played a 'rejection game' with a few members. I Got critizised/rejected as was expected in that game but despite it just being a game this turned me into a maniac or something from than on... Attention seeking, ego inflatation to the extreme. I was abusing everyone. Creating 200 user accounts with names like great.great.me; alpha.male (lol) etc etc, and picking fights just with about everyone



Dont know why this happens to me. Have no explanation for it. I feel like I have so many different sides to me.


I want to be good.

(I am unsure whether I should keep this or delete it)
[message edited by Silicea on Mon, 25 Jul 2011 11:08:11 BST]

Sexually there was improvement after the first dose of lachesis but it seems to be getting back to the old again. Meaning high desire, masturbation, & sexual thoughts fantasies throughout the day, which could be considered 'not normal' so am not ging to talk about them, would be to embarassing.

I used to have difficulty controlling my sexual urges, impulses, although have them somewhat under control again

Argh I feel bad for revealling all this about me and what this could mean for me. I want to have a clean image lol. But oh well I know i am not silicea - the remedy which cares about image.

haha I know, but if I sound to bad I think no one will wish to help me. Why would someone wish to help someone who is bad? I dont understand how anyone would want to. (I guess I got the idea from my upbringing, that you have to be good, otherwise people will not be interested in you)

hmm I see with myself that I constantly think I need to be something good or attractive,or talk active etc so that people will want me and not reject me.

Ok, good luck to you too
[message edited by Silicea on Tue, 26 Jul 2011 02:34:09 BST]

I had a dream that left me feeling kind of bad.

I was going into a shop to buy something. A girl was at the cashier and I remember I also wanted to buy for a stranger or was it a friend (cant remember) a pack of chewing gums and the girl did not want to 'process' the chewing gums as in that it is wrong from me to do such thing, so I argued with her a bit but did not get them in the end

Than later I went back into the shop when it was just about to close and I sat down with the girl at a table in the shop and she asked me if I want to go and have something to eat with her in the restaurant across the street and I COULD NOT DO IT. I had to tell her an excuse that I dont have time, that I need to go home, so I let another chance slip because of my fears. The idea was I must not let her see me with her in a restaurant because I will fail, she will see it, and I will feel so bad about myself, and she will not want me anymore. She will see that I am strange and not what she thought I am.
[message edited by Silicea on Tue, 26 Jul 2011 03:23:30 BST]

The other one I can remember was:

I was with a girl from my old school and we were heading to my home and I did not like this at all, because right now she is with me, I have her all for myself, but at home there might be my brother and maybe some other people as well. She is friends with my brother too. So I did not want to risk loosing her interest for the day over those other guys or my brother, which could happen. She might foget about me. So I wished to avoid going home and have her all for myself. She looked hot by the way lol.
[message edited by Silicea on Tue, 26 Jul 2011 02:59:14 BST]

I feel like wanting to delete many posts were I sound to egotistical or talk to much again, it makes me appear ugly, leaves a bad feeling in my stomach, dont want to present myself like this. It not me and its not attractive.I think higher of myself so I should not be like this. Not act so 'low'.

Please excuse me.

Ok, thanks for the input.

Yes I think I am probably as sycotic as it gets. But do not wish to remain like this. I want to go out into the world and enjoy myself without needing to constantly cover up or hide things.


Thank you for your input about lac caninum. I Hope this wont be taken wrongly. I do not wish to contradict or dismiss the remedy. I just wish to state how I feel about it now in this moment, since taking the lachesis a few things have changed. So after this post if its still indicated I will take it.


Well number one, I read lac caniums situation goes something like this... An african-american in america is born black and thinks to himself 'I have been born black, I will try to make it but I know I am still black'.


Since the lachesis I dont despise myself anymore. Rather I feel good looking at times. I would not call myself disgusting anymore. And there is nothing wrong with the way I look. I think the 'I can try as hard as I want, but in the end I am still black or just a dog' situation does not fit me. I will come to what I think the problem is soon.


number two, I dont feel like an animal anymore again. I think of myself as something high or great with class and dont want to be associated with an animal or a dog ( this might sound bad again, but I am just trying to reveal how I feel at the moment in hope it helps - not for any other reason). I think I am something great or high but that people just dont know it yet or I can not make it be seen yet because of all my issues.


number three, before my BDD I got compliments often, which always made me feel so good. Its like food to me. When I was 21 and started isolating myself even more at home in my room, I used to look often into the mirror and look at all the beatiful things about me and derive good feelings from it, as if I gave myself compliments lol that sounds bad. So you see I used to feel good about the way I look and love the mirror, so thats why I am thinking maybe lac caninum doesnt describe my situation.


So but than I got more depressed from being alone and suddenly I started seeing ugly things and flaws etc, which drived me crazy, I had to fix them, I had to get back to the good looking me that gets compliments and praise.


What I noticed this week while I could look at my flaws without getting the usual stress responses is this: I saw my flaws, the imperfections I created but thought to myself I want to fix them, I want to be good looking again and get compliments, praise. I will not give this up. Its my food and water. It makes me feel sooooo good when I get them, so why would I not do the effort to get my face back and get the praise & compliments again.


I feel so good when I get them, it makes me feel wanted, it makes me feel liked, all the good things.


I remember one compliment in particular that I have gotten at the beginning of a very difficult year in highschool in this new country I had to go. I was with some of my friends and they were just telling me how some girls are interested in me and want to befriend me and added that it seems like everyone likes me. So this made me feel so good that when I had to go to my geography class which usually caused me the most anxiety I felt without anxiety that day in my most difficult class. I just had this compliment in my mind and it made me feel so good and warm that I could not feel bad.


I dont know how a normal person reacts to compliments but to me they are like food & water. I feel wanted & liked than.


So I think this is my reason for my BDD. Until I get to be around people again who will hopefully like me lol I will have my obsession with my appearance, because it always brought in compliments for me.


Do I want to look good to attract females? Well not directly.... its the compliments I am guessing, which make me feel wanted.


And as can be seen by my posts. I try to never be seen in a 'bad light'. I cannot take it when someone thinks bad of me. Its impossible for me. I need to be seen as good. And I try to be good. Not egotistical, aggressive, violent etc, and its driving me crazy lol. Its to much this constant worry and feeling that I might get left on my own.


And the other thing about me as can be seen is this. I have to be of value to people. I feel you have to be special or something, there is no reason for people to stay with you if you arent up to your best all the time or something like that. I have to give a homeopath a reason to want to help me by being great or something. Like its very easy to be left on your own, rejected. Without my appearance people would not come to me. Simply. If I am not talk active, attractive or whatever with friends, they will leave me. There is no reason why they would want me??


My worst feeling is feeling unwanted in a group of people, made to feel left out, getting rejected, told negative things about oneself etc


and the best are feeling wanted, liked, compliments, praise etc


Hope I did a good job presenting my problem

Well something changes, everytime I take an animal remedy. Don't know what to make of it.

As bad as this may sound but At the moment I feel above the animal, the instinct. Animalistic behaviour repulses me. Don't want to take any animal remedy again, not be associated with the 'low' animals.

Ah my ego probably is to high at the moment. lol. I am aware of it.

Well to bad I wish to correct the wrong thing I have done but ok i am grateful for advice.

Ok will look at palladium to see what this is when I get home. Thanks

My apologies, I think we arent on the same page.

I just stated how I feel. I am aware that it could be denial on my part again. I did not mean to say I dont need an animal remedy but rather that I dont wish to take an animal remedy again. And I said this only to reveal my current mental state, (how I feel about animal remedies) in case it might be helpful.

So its all good.


I dont know what I should do now. I read over palladium and think it describes me like no other remedy. I like that its a mineral, and its row 5 which is not to shabby lol. at least its not the 'baby' row.

I am not sure if a palladium could have a strong social anxiety? and wish to know what happens if someone who needs palladium takes the remedy? Does he become indifferent about praise/critizism from than on or what? (I am a bit concerned if this means I will lose the need for praise or compliments, not get them anymore?)


I am confused, sometimes I feel like an animal and dislike the minerals, but than sometimes I like the minerals and dislike the animals. Dont know what to make of it.

I mean when I took lachesis I was happy to be a competive, animated animal and not a boring, stupid mineral who just cares about structure or a plant, but now it changed again.

I am really confused about my changing preference for the animal/mineral kingdom and what this means.


I checked the pysichal symptoms of palladium, not many are listed:

I used to have this one before starting homeopathic treatment often that made me check if I have a needle under my shirt or something:

-Stitches in right breast near nipple - I definately had this symptom, but since homeopathic treatment I havent felt it in a while
[message edited by Silicea on Wed, 27 Jul 2011 05:26:11 BST]

Not sure what to do at the moment. I am waiting on your advice. Whether animal or mineral? palladinum or not?


Can palladinum have a strong social anxiety so that they isolate themselves from society?


Can they feel bad and worthless when they do something bad or wrong or when they fail in front of people?

Can they respond with anger if someone critizises/insults them?


What about some of the pysichal symptoms being 'white stool' which I dont have, does this mean palladinum is out of question for me or can it still fit?

Thanks.




I found this for palladinum which might or might not describe me. I remember when I got my first remedy prescribed by you (Calcarea Carb 1M). I was rather positive after a week passed too and said something like 'How great homeopathy is in the right hands' (lol) -I still remember it. Although I did see improvement I thought but yes I might have exagerated it a bit.

I do think the lachesis helped
_____

So here it is:

Her husband reports, 'She is depressed and angry, worse and worse over the past several years. Homeopathy is like a religion to her.'
I have seen this several times in Palladium patients. Homeopathy is indeed like a religion, in a particular way. For example, you prescribe a remedy and the patient comes back on follow-up and tells you that the remedy helped a lot. However, when you inquire as to what specifically is better you find that the complaints are actually not better. The patient reports improvement because they want you to like them. One of the most important issues with Palladium is that they want approval from others.
So, in this way, homeopathy can become a religion for them. It doesn't matter whether they get better from the remedy. The main thing is that they have made contact with you. They want you to feel that they have been a good patient, that you approve of them, and that they have made you happy. All of this enters into their thinking.
[message edited by Silicea on Tue, 26 Jul 2011 14:49:40 BST]

Ah what the hell, I am close to ordering it. I read the rubrics over many times but it did not occur to me that they really fit to a T.

If I am not praised I feel insulted. YES. It came to me while I was thinking about that you had nothing nice to say about me and yes this makes me feel like I am loosing you, like your not going to look at my thread anymore, so I feel I need to do something.

And yes I have such a high ego, that if I talk to someone and someone deals with me 'normally', without a smile or not in a friendly way I feel there must be something wrong, so I feel bad about myself


I remember when I used to go to the beach in the summer I would have girls waving at me constantly, or while walking past a group of girls they would whistle at me instead of me at them ahaha thats funny.... but I liked that, thats what I expect.

So if I dont get such treatment I feel there must be something wrong.


hmm that gave me something to think about, that I really got a big ego, a to big one.

Its true, if I am not the center of attention I get quiet, sad. I cannot take it and just avoid such situations. If I anticipate such situation could happen I will avoid it and not dare to risk putting myself into such situation.

Well I obviously have a big ego, I havent seen anyone on here make an issue about feeling insulted & humiliated like I did, by getting 'low' remedies prescribed.
_____

I will wait to hear if you have some advice for me or something to change my mind before ordering palladium 1M

thanks for letting me know about palladium

YES! I am feeling good about it.
[message edited by Silicea on Tue, 26 Jul 2011 15:53:15 BST]

My dreams of tonight:

1. I was in a castle or something and had to escape

2. I was in a room with 2 other people and someone tried to break in about 3 times. We always jumped at the door and tried to not make the person come in but we could not hold him back. Once also a person who was with me stuck a big knife into the door many times in hope it would kill the person trying to break in. But it didnt help and she got killed instantly by someone might have been by my group of people because she accidentally hurt someone but cant remember.

Than later those 2 intruders came into the room. They had knives and were throwing them at me again (this happens often in my dreams). So I had one knive and waited untill they throw their knives and hopefully I dodge them and than I will throw mine only. Dont want to be defenceless in case I miss. So they missed and than I threw my knives and killed them.

3. I was going on a train to travel somewhere. It was not nice. Everyone was rushing on the train, grabbing for places. It was pretty caotic and had a cold feel. I felt on my own, without any social contact and people were cold, not looking to socialize

4. I was in a hotel or something on the top floor and once I was in an elevator I killed 2 people who came into it, dont know why I did it, and I had to hide the bodies really qiuckly. Someone was around who wanted to talk to me so I had to be careful to not be seen, but he saw me than and talked to me, although I wasnt discovered.

5. There was war or something. People were running and you had to hide from a group of people. I hid at many places and was moving from place to place, at the end I was in a back room in a house that had an escape door in case those people come into the house.

6. I was in an elevator which was rather big with my brother and going down, I feared a bit that it might break and get stuck or that we will fall down and die than. The elevator also had an air pocket and I was putting my face against it to breath in fresh air

7. I was at university. In the same class as my brother. I found out I will need to have a speech in front of everyone with my brother and didnt like the idea that everyone will see me.

We had a task to do and when the teacher came over I just filled out what I had to fill out and was confident that she will like it as if I was looking for praise at her. But I did not get it because the dream was over. I remember I was feeling good while filling something out in front of the teacher. I felt like my brother who was next to me did not do a good job. DId not know how to fill it out. It was creative work, something you had to think of if I remember right.

I had more dreams but cant remember them all in detail. One was about 2 guys filming some sharks for a short time and than getting out of the sea quickly again and I wondered how they dared getting into the sea to film them
[message edited by Silicea on Wed, 27 Jul 2011 01:01:42 BST]

One more thing:

I think the lachesis is really helping. Maybe not so much in my social anxiety, but its making me feel more hopeful and positive. I looked at my skin today. I really disliked all the spots I saw and felt like wanting to fix it. Not stress about it as usual but to get it fixed, get rid of it. I feel in a much better mind set.

So maybe I was spylithic miasm too? since I feel a lot more hopeful and in a 'My flaws can be fixed' mood


Which leads me to Platina. Palladium & platina apparently go hand in hand. But platina has to be taken first. And I just read a thread on here about platina wich described my social anxiety pretty good. The driving an hour around before daring to go to gas station, the tension in my neck that makes me unable to move my neck because I fear I will look strange. My neck/head shakes too when I am anxious.

I am contemptous, maybe internally but I dont let it be known and dont tell it to people.

I used to have this symptom up until I started homeo tretment:

- sticky stool. I always used one whole role of toilet paper which my mother always nagged me about when going to pass stool, and block the toilet from the huge size of stool which is always painful to get out.

But not anymore. Although Stool is huge again and painful to get out since I took lachesis, but not really sticky. A few wipes and I am clean.


If palladium is indicated for me, should I take platina first, or not?

I also sigh a lot.


Maybe I am wrong and have no traits of spyhlitic miasm. so I am just wondering, if there is any advice for me?
[message edited by Silicea on Wed, 27 Jul 2011 03:01:17 BST]

After passing stool today I am feeling itchy and a slight annoying pain.

Since the redose of lachesis my hamerrhoids are still kind of sensitive. I have no idea what to think of it. Whether this are good signs (signs of cure) or not.

ok thanks a lot. I always feel anxiety from anticipating critizism when I see I got a reply. So I feel better seeing there was none from you

I know platina does not fit me much mentally, only asked since palladium and platina apparently have a very close relationship,are complimentary

hmm ok well in my dreams I dont attack, its defence mostly as to why I kill or attack

and my dreams are different since taking homeopathic remedies. I never dreamed about killing, or getting attacked before as far as I know. And like I said before, I feel good seeing that I attack, kill in my dreams. Not appear like a coward. Probably because I dont think much of myself.


Before homeopathic treatment my dreams were not of such nature.


I cannot find another reason for my BDD. I clearly feel it that I want to look good so that people when they look at me will think many nice things of me.

I was just doing something in front of the house. And while doing it I was conscious of how I move, act and thought to myself that people are looking at me. I thought about how 'likeable' I might be appearing by the way I move etc, and also thought about what good things the girl who lives on the opposite side of the street with a guy must be thinking of me while looking at me. So I tried to appear at my best.


Although probably noone was looking at me - it was all just in my head, in case they are looking


I cannot think of another reason for my BDD. I want to get told nice things about it from people, because it makes me feel good, 'special'.

On dating sites I used to send girls I chatted with lots of pictures of me daily and it made me feel good. But sometimes I would get told I looked 'stoned' from the anxiety I feel probably which made me feel so bad.

And sometimes when chatting with girls who were really hot I felt like I lacked substance, I worried I will get exposed or seen as just someone with a good face but nothing else, so that I will get left on my own which would make me feel pretty bad. I really dont want to be seen as someone who just looks good but has no substance behind it and fear I might be appearing like this often, because that would just be so bad


So I dont know what to do now. What remedy to take. Best I stay on the lachesis I guess. I feel good

I wish to get my hair growing again on parts where it has fallen out. temples
[message edited by Silicea on Wed, 27 Jul 2011 06:56:26 BST]

Ok good advice. Although I have to order a remedy now... I contacted the owner of simillimum NZ to let him know his online store is down while I wished to place an order. And he replied that its fixed. So I cannot not place an order now lol. Ah I wished I would not be like this. But I would feel horrible if I would not place an order right now like I said I would.

Well I thought I am gona order something since lachesis apparently isnt doing much,