Stronger Potency or Better Remedy? _{Page 2 of 44}

Also of note, even at a very young age, had lots of thoughts of death, fear of, not like now though. Would spend a lot of time thinking about death.

Yes, definitely, the psychic/intuitive work was putting a strain on my mind. I believe also it was contributing to my not being able to sleep before the incident on May 8th. Just felt more unhappy/depressed too when doing it full time, cause wasn't getting a break from it, doing it all the time. But yes, the memory definitely improved, I've always had some issues with short term memory, but never the feeling that I wasn't as sharp or clear in my thinking, that cleared up almost right away on stopping.

Yes, I was on a website where people would pay me money and rate me 1 to 5 stars, and leave comments. I never got less than 4 stars and had over 80 some people that I did readings for and many left comments confirming that I never could have known what I did. Though I did not do it without the aid of tools like cards and pendulum etc. Have always been naturally intuitive and able to sense things about people, pick things up, even when chatting with someone online, can tell/sense how they're feeling. Only when I'm personally involved in a situation can I not pick up things accurately. Tend to influence based on what I think is happening/going on. (Just worry/obsess a lot) I did some intuitive work on a friend of mine and got that there was a particular female hormone that was imbalanced and she told her holistic doctor about this and the doctor confirmed through actuals tests that I was right on the money about what was wrong.

Fingernails have lots of vertical ridges. Light pink in color, some are mostly white. Most do not have a moon. Tend to get lots of hangnails.

Not so much anymore, but I would say back six months ago, I used to have a lot of cases where my pink finger, mostly on my left hand would go completely numb as if it were asleep, the only thing to do would be to (if i was sitting at a desk for example) let it hang down by my side and it would fix it instantly. This might happen several times an hour. Doesn't happen much anymore, maybe every once in a great while, but it's probably been a couple months or so since it last happend.

The last time I was truly happy ... that is a tough one, it's not like I'm a miserable person (not all the time anyway! haha), but I generally consider myself not to be a very happy person. I try not to let it show, most people don't know unless I'm really upset/depressed, then they can tell, because I'm very quiet, keep to myself even more so than normal, my responses in conversation are very short and not as animated as usual. But for the most part I keep things to myself, try to put on the impression that I'm happy, even when I'm not. I don't think even as a child I was really happy. My grandparents have told me that I was really unhappy as far back as they can remember, like I wasn't the usual happy go lucky kid, everything was serious to me, I was concerned with adult matters, philosophy, etc, from the moment I was old enough to think for myself.

I mean, little things along the way have lead to short term happiness. Winning awards in school, if a particular girl I was interested in actually said hi to me on that day, going to a music concert I liked, getting to see a movie that I really wanted to see. But of course the happiness of that nature doesn't last long and the next day you're back to square one. And I probably have had more happier moments, but only the negative sticks out in my mind. I don't remember the good times, though it does seem there has been much more negative than good. Two months ago when I happened to go to a local amish store and hit the jackpot so to speak and found all these great deals on organic health food stuff that I like, and hardly spent any money. Again, just little stuff like that that usually lasts a day or two at most, but beyond that, no true happiness. When I was much younger my mom even had snoopy bedsheets on my bed that had things like, 'Happiness is an ice cream cone . . . Hapiness is a walk i nthe park etc. ' And there were all these different things that meant happiness. So it was obvious that I was a generally sad / depressed /unhappy person. But I do smile a lot, like to tell jokes, or say something funny whenever I get the chance. And will usually try to use humor to deal with something that is difficult for me to deal with. For example if someone asked me a question that I wasn't prepared to answer or I didn't want them to know the real truth to I often answer with a joke to take away the seriousness of the issue/question, and hopefully to avoid having to deal with the issue at hand or reveal how I really feel.

Just remembered, I would say a month or so after the May 8th incident, had the sensation as if my head was not attached or brain was not attached to the rest of the body, or that it was separated, not connected.

Also after that time (May 8th incident), I had one dream in particular that was connected to the incident I'm sure, where I was out on the highway in a town fifteen minutes from my home (the night I had the dream I had been staying at my grandmothers house), and had this dream that there was this tornado that was coming, all the streets were bare, nobody was out, I was the only one there. And it was coming and I couldn't get away. And I could have easily gotten to shelter in time, but the problem was, there was something that was slowing me down, like I couldn't move my body as fast, like I was too heavy, weighted down, could barely move and I was putting all the effort and energy I had into moving, and it was just barely, the tornado was approaching, the dark cloud was almost over me, but I couldn't do anything, I couldn't get away, then I think I saw the center of the cloud, it was like it had eyes and was after me and then just as it was ready to swallow me up, the next thing I know, I was back at my grandmothers house, and then I woke up, and it was kind of like, I don't know how I got from where I was to the next scene in my dream, but I was okay, didn't hurt me at all. That was a one time thing and never had anything else like that afterwards.

Also around that same time I had an incident where I literally felt like something in my brain exploded, like I heard an explosion and then I thought I saw symbols or something before my eyes, but nothing that I could remember what they looked like or if they meant anything. It was kind of a quick flash of something before my eyes.

Years prior to all this, had started (every once in awhile begun seeing sparks before the eyes, and they would gradually fall, like they were start at eye level, and float down slowly. Sometimes yellow, sometimes gray. I attributed this at the time to something nerve related and it could be that it had already started my nerve weakness or stress on the brain. I had been practicing my psychic stuff two years prior to when I actually started doing it full time after I was let go from my job. And I also had times back then when I was having trouble sleeping, didn't make the connection then, but now, thinking back I feel it was an attributing factor of maybe just putting too much strain on my system, more than it was able to handle.

I was given mostly 30c remedies and I really did not get much reaction from them. Zincum Met, Natrum Mur, Gelsemium, and Eupatorium were the only ones that seemed to produce any result at all. (Gelsemium and Eupatorium produced negative symptoms). The Silicea worked very well for the headache. Again, the remedies that did help seemed to help instantly at first, but then the symptoms came right back. Only the Natrum Muriaticum seemed slower. Sulphur worked instantly.

Also prior to incident on May 8, a homeopath recommended to me Carb Veg 1,000c at night, then next night Nux Vomica 200c. This had an instant effect on my chronic muscle pain that was a complaint, but again lasted one night and then the symptoms came back.

In my experience in the past, if a remedy did not change anything for me in the first few days, it wouldn't do anything at all. I have stuck with one remedy for almost a month on several ocassions, while working with the homeopath, waiting for a response and nothing. That is so weird to me because how sensitive I am to things, I would have expected to get more reaction from some of the remedies I took.

I would say when doing the work, it was intense mental focus, concentration. I would also check several times on the same thing to make sure I would get the same answer, make sure I wasn't influencing or picking up on the wrong thing. Of note, was when I did feel or sense that I got a wrong answer, when I felt like I wasn't accurate, holding my left hand to my forehead, would always increase my accuracy. When I was tired, my accuracy would go down, and again this same method would work to increase my accuracy. But mostly just had to focus on the person that I was asking about, thinking about them and the question and being open to whatever came up, not necessarily what I thought might be going on, though sometimes the two would work together, where I just had a feeling what it was gonna be and I was right. But didn't trust myself enough to do it without the tools. All I would use was a screen name they had an ask for their date of birth and would just use that to focus on them, to tune into their energy so to speak. And many times, I didn't even need their birthdate, just the name worked. And I would often tell them that I prefered not to know anything about the situation they were asking about. This was a very stressful thing though, because it was intense, I would be nervous about whether the information I got was right, and I was right most of the time, but still, that waiting to see, that anticipation to see if the person responds back positively to what I said. Also there was a timer (you got paid by the minute), so I felt like I was in a race against time because I wanted to do as much as I could for the person with each minute so I was helping them as much as possible during the amount of time they had purchased with me. So definitely intense.

Definitely say 'draining, mentally fatiguing, mentally draining, emotionally draining,' Like at some points, I would just have to take a break from it, because I was so exhausted mentally.

And though I wasn't do any physical work, I felt physically exhausted, just because of mental exhaustion. And there were particular clients who seemed to demand a lot more than others and after one session with them, I would feel as drained as if I did 10 other sessions, would just get worn down, and in those people, it would try my patience, like, 'you already asked that, how many times do we need to go over this. Please, leave, go away, I don't want to deal with you any more. I want to help, but I'm just so drained, I can't do this anymore.'

Very peculiar symptom just came to mind. During moments when I having the most intense fear, anxiety, panic attack type feelings, afraid I was going to die, I would always look at my hands, mostly the palms sides, don't know what that was going to tell me but always felt the urge to check out my hands. People said, 'stop doing that, it makes you look crazy.' But it was as if I could tell if I was going to be okay or not by that. Still do it some yet, but not nearly as much as used to when all this first began.

I had mentioned that eating helps, stuffing myself, and along with that I forgot to say that I have the feeling as if I need to keep eating or I will die. Like I can't stop eating or I would cease to exist. Usually have that feeling only when symptoms (feeling like I'm going to die, like my body is becoming transparent, going to disappear) are worse. And again, at the same time, looking at my hands. Almost like I want to make sure they are still there, or still exist, that I can still see them.

Pretty much all the time, consistent, just a feeling as if my head were fuzzy, like something were around my head. You know the sensation of static cling, like if you pull clothes out of a dryer, similar to that, it's hard to describe. I've had reiki treatments at a distance and get the same type of feeling where there's just like this massive tingling/energy in the head, crawling, again, difficult to describe.

I probably never would have made the connection before, but as I'm thinking about all this I believe the sensation in my head started after I started using a pendulum, dowsing. So some I'm sure would say that it's just an opening of the crown chakra. It is all the time, never goes away except when I take a shower and first get out of the shower, like the water tones it down, but then it comes back full force.

And also now since the incident, also have the sensation of my head being light, feeling airy, almost like it's empty, like there's nothing in it.

With my body feeling light, have the tendency to feel like I'm going faster than I should be, like moving faster than normal, as if the body were not creating that resistance for when you move, and sometimes feel like if I'm not careful, walking normally I could just fall over, not quite that bad, but feel like I'm moving faster than I should be, really strange.

Also, along the same lines, and this I've always had, even before the May 8th date. Is I tend ot have very jerky momvements of my limbs. Like I'll go to move my arm and I'll OVERSHOOT where I was thinking I wanted it to go. Doesn't happen all the time, but i'd say maybe a couple times a week. Like reaching for something and knock it over, seems like it's just clumsiness, but I feel it's something brain/nerve related.

While the psorinum had more of a mental effect, phosophorus effects were almost purely physical. The only thing I can say I noticed was that the first dose I took, my body felt heavier, more grounded, (almost had the sensation of my feet being rooted to the ground, rooting themselves to the ground, cause I don't feel that way now) it was like my weight returned all over, my limbs felt heavier again, I had that resistance return, and felt more physical, not airy. And with that, the sensation of rocking back and fourth or things around me moving/bobbing up and down went away too. Can't say I really noticed much more than that. That was at the higher potency.

The 30c potency I felt it doing things in my brain, like i could feel it working in my brain, not sure how to describe it, just something changing in there. Did notice for a few days that mentally I was somewhat better, not overreacting as much (rage etc.), but then a few days later had those things all come back and thought maybe it wasn't the phophorus helping that, and after that it didn't seem to help any more.

I'm actually a vegetarian, so I eat lots of beans, rice, pasta, tofu, fruit, veggies, grains, nuts. Cereal with soy milk. Love stir fry. Also love spaghetti sauce, could eat it out of the jar. Never drink sodas, tea, cofee, anything like that. 100% juice only, soy milk, water. Crave apple juice. Having switched to vegetarian (many years ago, 8 now i think) has really helped me digestively and with terrible join pains I used to have. One thing recently is that I have really been craving sweets, for the longest time, probably three years I didn't touch anything, no cookies, cake, ice cream etc, nothing. It was hard, because no matter where I went, family gatherings and stuff, I would sit there and be the only one who wasn't eating anything, but I was very strict and had good willpower. About 8 months ago, started to have more sweet things again, keep it all organic, natural, not like most junk that you get in stoers, but still sweet stuff nonetheless and it's like I just crave it more and more and more.

Don't eat dairy, eggs, either. Dairy always gives me acne around the mouth. If there's a lot of it in something and I miss it, instant headache, so I an always tell when I've had it, and of course like I said the other sign is acne around the mouth. That ALWAYS happens, never had dairy/whey and not had it happen. No other place, just around/near the mouth.

Ice cream is my favorite sweet. (Ice cream from Soy Milk or Rice Milk). Probably desire it moost in the evening and at night. Mostly just ice cream, some organic type granola bars. Usually not cookies or anything. Really don't eat chocolate, when I buy more natural treats/deserts, they usually have carob in them. Prefer nuts in ice cream. Almonds.

Usually after meals, and most at night as a snack. But if I were to eat a little during the day, I'd probably start craving a lot of it. Like eating it awakens the craving and hard to stop.

Acne around mouth from dairy, not really painful. It most often occurs a couple days later after having something with dairy, even if dairy is the very last ingredient on the label and there's hardly any in at all, my body always knows. The typical place is just under my bottom lip, usually on the right side (my right side). Sometimes at the corner of the mouth, again on the right side, not that it never happens on left side, but more often on right.

Something else I remembered is that I often have to go to bathroom (stool) after eating a meal. Can happen anywhere from 5 minutes to 15 minutes after, but it seems like whenever I eat a meal, soon after, have to goto bathroom.

Yes, it was when I was when I hadn't come back to Pennsylvania yet that it started. It was almost like I just got tired of totally denying myself that stuff (had been for years). Maybe it was just more depression (health, relationships etc.) and was using it as a crutch to try to improve my mood or something.

Yes, cravings for sweets now too, definitely worse with hunger, when I feel like I need to keep eating, sensation of if I didn't eat, i would die, seems to like low blood sugar and yet i don't think that's what it really is.

It just seems like my brain needs lots of carbohydrates, sweets. I've always liked carbohydrates, big bread eater, cereal.

Ice cream really is the only sweet craaving I get. I eat other sweets yes, but ice cream is the only thing I can honestly say I really crave, no matter if it's hot out or cold. Do think during the day though I have more self control, like if I start eating, it's easier to stop. Evening and at night want to eat more.

So the incident on May 8th, and the issues with the relationship in another state were the only things really going on around the time, and also probably some homesickness, missing my home area.

When feeling depressed, lonley, sad, just want to watch a movie and eat ice cream. So definitely think it's just to help me emotionally.

Watching movies is something I always liked to do, but especially so when I'm depressed, because it allows me to escape reality and see everything as perfect, you know, everything works out, happy endings etc. Also gives me hope, I tend to think like, 'See, that can really happen, I can't give up.'

And of course I've just always naturally lived in my own world so to speak. Tend to see things differently than everyone else. At the same time, feel like I don't fit in, feel like I don't belong in my family, like I'm so different than everyone else, because I don't always take the conventional route to things, I don't just accept things, I'm always questioning, 'But why is it that way? It doesn't have to be that way.'

That's a good question, I mean, I like to know everything, because I'm a person who likes to acquire knoweledge to a degree (when it's something I'm intersted in), when it's something that intrigues me, when there is mystery behind it. I like to focus on one thing in particular, don't do well focusing on many subjects. Like I can get so caught up in focusing on one particular aspect of my life that I let all the rest go.

I do care about the asnwers to the questions that I have, but also I like searching, seeking. I guess I do tend to be more motivated when I'm trying to find out something that I don't know, then when I actually have the answers. There are cases where I do certainly put into action what I learn, what I find, but I guess to be honest, many times, I do spend all my energy trying to figure things out, rather than doing anything afterwards, once I figure things out. Like to investigate, understand why something is the way it is, like to know why things happen the way they do and I suppose questions that I can't get answers to are the ones that are most intriguing for me, because I have to know, i must know, even though I know I probably never will, I keep trying to find the answers, believing that it must be out there somewhere.

My mom often said that I should have become a lawyer because I like to argue (with her anyay, haha), I like to convince people of things when I strongly believe in them. I'm not pushy, but I naturally get excited, enthusiastic, peole say I look younger when I'm excited. Come from behind wins, the underdog mentality, is what really inspires me, excites me. When all hope seems lost, when it seems impossible, to see someone come back and overcome, that's what I live for. I will often imagine myself in impossible situations and see myself getting out of them. Sometimes I imagine I'm a lawyer trying to convince a jury to hear my plea, to believe me. Sometimes when writing a letter to someone, I will be thinking the same way, the ending needs to be dramatic, I need to leave a lasting impression. This person will remember my letter over others that they have read. Make it dramatic, make it bigger in my mind than it really is, think of it as grand.

People also say that my appearance tends to change too, sometimes day to day, other times hour to hour. I can look a lot older one minute, then the next minute they see me, I look a lot younger. And of course my symptoms seem to correlate with that, that if I'm looking younger to others I feel better, if I look older then I'm not feeling as good.

When sad, depressed, etc, tend to like to listen to music, watch sad movies, for some reason, like to feel the emotions, and at the same time, imagining in my mind, how things work out in the end, things get better, that underdog mentality again. Keep hoping that things will change, that they will get better.

Going back to sweets, just remembered something, I'm not a person who drinks a lot of water, definitely not as much as I should. It's just one of those things that I don't often get the desire to drink a lot, has to be more of a conscious effort on my part, but after sweets (like ice cream), my thirst is very strong, and then only want water. I would say that's when my thirst is the strongest. And other times when I do get the strong desire to drink water, it's very strong, so I drink a lot. I'm not one of those people who has a water bottle with them and drinks some here and there. I tend to drink two glasses of water or more at a shot, and then not drink any for half a day. I'll drink other stuff throughout the day, soymilk, juice. But really even that I don't drink a lot during the day.

When writing that's pretty consistent for me. I also always will read a letter several times, read and reread trying to imagine how the other person is going to respond to it, like try to imagine reading from their perspsective.

Not quite sure what you mean by getting to open up and relate straight without 'old backs.'

I rarely get to open up fully with anyone as I've learned it usually comes back to haunt me in the end, so usually keep stuff hidden from others. Don't trust, afraid of getting hurt or what I say being used against me later as it usually does.

With the letters it could just be that I'm always concerned what other people think of me (which is all the time, not just writing letters). And also just that I take everything seriously and tend to play out scenarios in my mind. Try to think of everything that could possibly happen to any given situation, try to figure everything out before it happens (don't want to make the wrong decision, or do the wrong thing). So I tend to create a lot of stress for myself with this thinking, because I tend to think out so many scenarios that it makes it even tougher to make any decisions.