Stronger Potency or Better Remedy? _{Page 4 of 44}

I tend to get out of breath easily, but one or two times now I've had a case (since the remedy) where I've almost felt like for a brief second I couldn't get air, or like stopped breathing for a second or something, gasping to catch breathe, again, NOT MAJOR at all, not to the point where I should be concerned and wasn't even sure if this was all that important to mention. And in one case it was a situation where I was in relaxed mode and got a phone call from a boss needing information and I'm always wanting to do things in a hurry, get them information right away, don't keep them waiting. And they even said to me, 'sounds like you're out of breath.'

Then it was silly, but after I got off the phone, I couldn't get the thought out of my head and I started having the sensation / fear that I was going to die because I couldn't breathe, like I was never worried about that before and now all of a sudden, I had this great fear in my mind that I couldn't breath or I was going to stop breathing. And then got a sharp pain in my right ear, like an ear ache for maybe a minute at most.

You know, it's almost like I'm trapped or locked into this fight or flight mode, where anything mental just totally causes physical symptoms to go haywire, the least stress, or least worry/concern. Like my body has no tolerance for or ability to deal with any kind of stress whatsoever. Just constantly tense/nervous on edge. Not restless, just braced and ready.

The rocking back and fourth / swaying etc. sensations really haven't been as good since the morning of that first day of the remedy, like it was really the first couple hours or so and since then it's gotten more and more back to the way it was. The first day at the end of the day was still improvement though. The one thing I notice the most that has stuck with me is the feeling heavier, feeling like my body is more physical, there are still the times from 11:00 as it gets closer to 12 and then 4 as it gets closer to 5 nd some into the early evening that I have the feeling lighter, but really overall that has drastically improved I would say. But the feeling like I'm on an airplane experiencing turbulence, elevator feeling etc is back to usual. Then also the sensation of the floor bounding up and down under my feet, almost like the floor is rising up and down (sometimes fast) below my feet, that in particular seemed worse today. I'm not sure I mentioned that sensation before, but it's just another part of that bobbing up and down, sometimes it feels like it's my body other times it feels like it's the environment around me and other times it feels like it's both. Almost like the rocking and swaying and up and down and everything is just something having trouble stabilizing my body's location or position within the universe.

Office was closed today, so had the day off. Didn't set my alarm and slept till straight through last night till about 10:00 in the morning. Pretty sure had a dream, but again can't remember any details. The rocking sensation was a lot better this morning on waking than it was last night. Felt very lathargic this morning (but the heat/humidity alwasy does that to me), physically and mentally. Only when my mind seemed to wake up (around 12:30) did my symptoms (rocking sensations etc.) seem to worsen. Still felt the good heaviness this morning. Then something weird, I was reading and at 3:00 all of a sudden, just like that out of nowhere I felt the heaviness go away and I felt light again. Head light, body light, rocking sensations increased again, worried that I was going to come out of my body. It's the strangest thing because it's so random, I just don't see anything being a trigger for it. But the heaviness is pretty much completely gone now and back to feeling light and like I'm moving faster than I should be, like there's no natural resistance when I move. Feeling as if my feet are barely touching the ground again.

Stools are normal colored again and formed, so it was just that one time, so not necessarily the remedy.

I didnt wake up super hungry or anything this morning, I think I only ate around 11:30 or so, but again when I'm hot my appettite usually decreases.

Really hasn't been anything else, didn't notice anything with the breathing.

Even before all this began I would notice certain times of the day that I felt more drained than others. I almost want to say that those times when I seemed to be more exhausted/drained for no reason that I could determine are the same ones now that I commonly mention, but can't be completely sure about that.

Couldn't sleep until 2:30 last night, seemed to sleep okay then till this morning. the heaviness seems to have returned some last night, but then had a lot of the feeling like I was moving even when I wasn't like that sensation of being in a car that's moving, definitely worse when closing eyes. Otherwise nothing else new. If you think I'm gonna need the 200c at some point, I should probably order it (probably from Hahnemann Labs unless you know of another place that will give out 200c without doctor recommendation) so I have it on hand. The health food store sometimes has 200c potencies, but can't always get it from them as they are cautious about giving out higher potencies.

The moving sensation is something that has been off and on, hadn't noticed it at all really since taking the dose of the medorrhinum, but then last night noticed again. Mostly it's when I'm lying down in bed at night, but sometimes notice it too when sitting and standing, but definitely more so when laying down. Usually when I notice it most at night (trying to get to sleep) opening eyes almost completely stops it. It's almost like I actually have to see for myself that I'm not moving so I know that it's not really happening even though I feel the sensation in my body. Do tend to notice it more at night, goes along with the sensation as if falling through the bed. Definitely not as consistent as the other rocking back and fourth etc. sensations, and still can't say that there's only one particular time or circumstance when it happens, but again, more often at night than any other time.

Something else I forgot to mention was that last night, noticed that I didn't crave ice cream so much. I ate some and didn't have that desire to eat a lot, in fact, the sweetness kind of made me sick on the stomach.

Can't really say I've noticed anything else appetite or thirst, only the second day when I had that desire to drink a lot of water. Usually I just don't get urges to drink anything.


Slept very good last night. And here's something that has been happening to me every night. I will actually during my dream remember of course what I'm dreaming about but also will think to myself that I need to remember what this is about so I can tell you, but then when I wake up I totally forget the dream. So it's almost as if during the dream I feel like I'm really there and it's real and on the other hand I know it's not real and I'm observing it, and theorizing about it.

Woke up this morning with my feet up where my pillow is and head at the other end of the bed. That hasn't happened in awhile and used to happen to me quite a bit. Not like every night or anything, but still often. Do tend to move around a lot during my sleep. Ususally hae coversa all pulled out.

Maybe a little bit of aching in the muscles of my left arm. Didn't really think much of it.

Had several times where fingers on my right hand had fallen asleep/went numb, both times it was pinky and ring finger of right hand. This used to happen with my left hand, only it used to be mostly the pinky finger. Same thing though that as soon as I let the hand hang down it would be okay, the feeling would come back right away.

This morning woke up muscles feeling very stiff. Very painful to move at first.

Also, with the sensation as if there were energy going through me, the tingling sensations in my head, feet that many say are kundalini symptoms. I also get sometimes the sensation of wind or air blowing through my head and feet, like a light breeze of air. The other day I noticed it in my feet and maybe up to my ankles, and feels more like it's inside than an outside wind blowing over the parts.

Also, with the sensation as if there were energy going through me, the tingling sensations in my head, feet that many say are kundalini symptoms. I also get sometimes the sensation of wind or air blowing through my head and feet, like a light breeze of air. The other day I noticed it in my feet and maybe up to my ankles, and feels more like it's inside than an outside wind blowing over the parts.

Usually my telling myself to remember the dream is towards the end of the dream, but then when I wake up I can't remember it and can only remember that I had a dream and remember that I wanted to remember it.

Aching in the muscles was the same time of aching that I used to get in my legs (calves) when I was younger and nothing would help except sleep. Next morning would feel better. I've had chronic muscle pain for years, more generalized though, nothing that specific.

Right hand numbness/falling asleep occurred last night, maybe 10:30-11:00 or so. The other time I think it happened was night time also.

The last time the numbness in the left hand happened probably would have been sometime January February.

I usually never feel energetic or anything after a good sleep, but as far as not having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep last night was a good sleep. And I think the other day after taking the remedy when I posted about a good night sleep would have been similar (when I slept straight through to 10:00)

Around 1:40 P.M. this afternoon, was watching a movie and out of nowhere got a sensation, not really of feeling light, just feeling as if I was going to separate from my body or something it's hard to explain. That feeling that I described before about feeling like there's a part of me on the inside and my body on the outside and the two aren't quite lining up properly. Almost as if a part of me was moving while my body was staying where it was. Hard to explain, and at the same time felt something in my Brain, almost like my Brain was going to stop working, I really can't describe it, but there's something in the Brain going on, it didn't get light this time, I want to say it was like a Brain Freeze type feeling that you get when you eat something really cold and it goes to your head, but it didn't feel cold. Almost like parts of the Brain feel numb, but I can still feel it.

Do you know how the air looks when there is a fire or heat, you see those waves of heat in the air? Well, I sometimes see exactly that and then other times, it's not quite like that, but the objects (environment) move, sometimes side to side, sometimes up and down, sometimes up and down and side to side.

Also have noticed that I've been having a lot of perspiration again in my hands and feet. Was having the same thing soon after all this first began when everybody thought I was having panic attacks (Around October).

Almost as if buckets of water were coming out of my hands and feet, literally just pouring out. There is nervousness/anxiety with that, and sometimes the sensations that I'm going to die, come out of my body go along with that, but I'm sure it's not a panic attack. Even when relaxed the perspiration can be increased.

Well, I'm generally an anxious person, but it's not extreme anxiety or anything that comes with this, I would say that when I have it with the feet there is less anxiety than when the hands are perspiring. But overall, I could be having this happen and anyone watching me wouldn't be able to tell I was feeling worse or anything unless I said something. Not like my heart is racing, trouble breathing or anything. But probably some anxiousness and a little fear, but not all the time and like I said, definitely worse when hands are perspiring than with the feet.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there have been times where I'm nervous / anxious, fear going to die/come out of body etc without the sweating/perspiration. I don't see it as being much worse during those times.

I could tell when I woke up today that the humidity was going to really bother me. Even though I was inside I could feel it. So today was very hot/humid, pretty much stayed inside in the air, relaxed, read, watched a couple movies.

Something else worthy of mention. Yesterday had been at a campground for a dinner for a relative and it stormed and something odd I noticed was that symptoms (feeling light, rocking etc.) felt worse before the storm than during it. Actually felt heavier, more grounded when it was pouring down raining than before or immediately after the rain. Had more of the elevator - swoop sensation during the rain, but it less rocking back and fourth, and more heaviness so it didn't bother me as much. At the same time with the heaviness felt a sensation of pressure, as if there was too much pressure for my body or something like it would burst. I've had that before sometimes with the heaviness, really can't say when the last time was though.

The first day I took the medorrhinum it seemed really good (the feeling that someone was behind me or watching me), but I noticed that it came back the next day. And it's not something that bothers me all the time, just when I'm more nervous/anxious, usually when alone.

I actually didn't order the Medorrhinum 200c yet, was going to do it today, so I'll wait to see what you think if there's something else you'd rather have me get. To be honest, and I certainly don't understand this as much as you do, so take this with a grain of salt, but I kinda felt like the Medorrhinum was just bringing stuff to the surface that needs to be addressed, like opening things up a bit for the other things to be more easily treated was my feeling of what was happening with it, but can't be sure.

Not just because it's Monday morning, but just a general feeling all the time that life is just a drugery and sometimes you get a glimpse of the magic of life but it fades quickly. I'm very discontent primarily job/career wise, been this way for years. Because I've always just had to do something to earn money to pay the bills, and I go through the motions at my
job(s) and do a good job, but really it's hard to care, most of the time I'm just wishing and hoping and dreaming, you know off somewhere else, feeling like I shouldn't be here, that I should be somewhere else doing something else, doing something more important, like I'm wasting my life, not on the right path, but don't know what is the right path.

Even driving my car to work, it's just a motion I go through to the point where sometimes when I go somewhere when I don't have to go to work, I find myself just not even thinking about it and driving to work, because I'm just going through the motions.

Often times find myself doing something like putting the cereal in the fridge or freezer, and sometimes people have to repeat stuff to me several times, not because I'm kind of paying attention, but not really, so I don't hear/understand all of it. Yet when people have problems I'm always very attentive and a great listener and people always feel like I really care.

My parents and I get into many agruments because my mom is one of those people where she is happy (well, for awhile anyway), just sitting at an assembly line doing the same thing over and over and over. She is able to look at it as a means to an end, a way to make a living, as long as she has the money she's happy (that's what she says anyway, but she never could stay in one job for long either, she's in real estate now), but I can't even see money as motivation, I just want to do something that makes me happy and being in a job that doesn't make me happy it feels like it sucks the life out of me, just feel hopeless, depressed, unhappy, wanting to do something to make things better, but not knowing what to do, so just keep plodding along, not happy, but what else is there. Like why bother (Go to a job that you don't like to pay for bills that you have to pay for), why live if that's life? Sometimes get teary eyed, or tears start to well up, not actually cry (sometimes, but not always)just thinking about things in this way, wishing it could be better/different, but feeling like a waste/failure, not doing what I was meant to do.

People sometimes think I'm lazy, but it's not that, it's just that it's hard for me to put effort into something that I'm just not passionate about. My parents accuse me of that a lot, only doing what I have to do to get the job done, and point out how I spend hours and hours reading/researching health stuff, homeopathic books etc.

Saturday night my mom started getting pains in her right side under the rib cage, more towards the outside though, not directly under the ribcage, so I immediately felt it was gallbladder, she also had pain in her right deltoid. The pains were better when she would bend over, almost completely went away. So when we got home, I immediately started researching, and came up with Colocynthis (it had that unsual pain in the right deltoid, along with the prominent feature of pain goes away when doubling over), it rapidly cured her. Though she thinks she just got over it, I know better, but I didn't really care, because I just wanted her to get better. My point in all this is that during these times (I'm kind of a natural detective), researching, trying to figure things out, I get excited, more energetic and forget my own issues for awhile. It's just doesn't work that way with everything, there are things that reading and researching would seem like a chore or drudgery.

Yes, John, you're right, never thought of it that way before, but definitely seems to fit that I get motivated when going to help others, but lack the drive to change my own life. And always feel that there should be some meaning behind helping others. Things like helping someone organize their files or type something up, while getting positive feedback from the person (social approval in a sense) is nice, not as satisfying as if I was able to make somebody happy, cheer them up, give them a hug something like that.

The same advice and input I give to others, the same way I tell others or advise others to take care of themselves, like themselves, feel good, etc, I don't have the same respect for myself. Maybe feel unworthy, undeserving, not sure. Take on other people's pain, emotions, etc. At the same time, my parents accuse me at times of being very selfish, focused too much on myself and my problems, I think just because I tend to wallow a lot, self-pity, because I never seem to be able to solve my own problems/issues, and other people's problems I can usually help with. The Bach Flower description of Willow in Robin Murphy's book describes me very well. As does Wild Rose (Apathy/Indifference).

When something goes wrong if it's not something that has been happening over and over, my first response is depression, wallowing, self-pity, that leads to apathy, not wanting to do anything, not knowing what to do, which leads to brief and sporadic moments of inspiration and when nothing works/helps, more wallowing, deeper depression, wanting to give up on life, in some cases when something doesn't work or can't figure something out, get angry rage, but not often.

I often think about how unsatsified I am now and how I was the same way as a child, and even before I was aware, when I was a baby. My grandparents told me how I would cry and cry and cry all the time and nothing my mom ever did helped me, nothing worked, and she would just get so frustrated, give up and take me to my grandparents house (either one), and I would stop crying almost right away. So like even back then my mom didn't understand me and feel now too same way as if she doesn't understand me, but also my just generally being unsatisfied, unhappy.

As far as Natrum Muriaticum:

tearfulness, great sadness, joylessness. No matter how cheering the circumstances are she cannot bring herself into the state of being joyful. She is benumbed to impressions, easily takes on grief, grieves over nothing.

Very fitting for me, I think Nat-M emotionally is perfect for me aside from the gets angry when consolation is given, cause I do like sympathy, and yet on another hand, maybe it does sort of fit, because I do at times get upset if someone doesn't know what to tell me to do and all they can do is say they wish things were better. Then I tend to feel like, 'Well, that's great, I spend hours cheering you up and giving you advice and everything and you just tell me you don't know what to tell me.' And people have on more than one occasion said to me 'Your problems are more complicated than everyone elses, we don't know what to tell you.' And in my parents case, the only answer they ever give me is money, now don't get me wrong they aren't worldly people or anything who need to have everything and everything, they are very frugal, but they always seem to feel that the solution to my life is money no matter what the problem.

The unrequited love aspects of Nat-Mur also fit me very well. And all the sadness, depression, indifference in Nat-Mur seems to fit me well.

A few more aspects that describe me very well:

Attacks of complete hopelessness and internal despair, that deprived him of all power

Very easily startled

Disinclined to work, though disposed to think

(some people are restless physically, I am restless mentally, more inclined to sit around but still working on things mentally)

When I took this remedy before (years back), the homeopath had me taking it in water twice a day every day, succussed 10 times each dose. Not the one dose and wait method. I did feel like I noticed some slight improvement (30c), mostly emotionally. But then he switched me and I kinda felt like he switched too soon to another remedy, maybe needed higher or just continue waiting.

Also something about me is that I can't seem to let things go until I figure them out. Example, if somebody asks me something like, 'Who was the actor in that movie, or what is the name of that movie where the guy is doing such and such.' I'm good at remembering stuff like that from the past that nobody else can remember and when there are times when I can't think of something it just bothers me so much, can't let it go until I find the answer. And after long periods of not being able to figure it out, then I can get angry. Then it's like I have to try even harder to find it. It just eats at me, nags at me until I get the answer then there's like this huge relief, like the weight has been lifted. And when I'm in one of those modes, I might as well not be doing anything else, because I won't be able to focus on it until I get the answer I'm looking for.

The problem lies when I take on this thinking in things that can't be solved right away. When I'm dwelling on relationships, health issues, etc. But my focus is constantly on things like that until something happens that the situation resolves itself or until I'm almost forced to let it go.