Stronger Potency or Better Remedy? _{Page 10 of 44}

Yeah I think you summed it up pretty good. I guess that's the part of things that adds to depression, despair, helplessness, hopelessness etc. because on one hand I don't WANT to give up, I feel like there has to be something and yet feeling like everything tried there's a block. So what do you do in a situation like that? I have not found an answer to that question yet. All I can tell you is that whatever is at work in this situation is the same thing at work in my chronic pain for the past seven years when nothing worked now it just shifted to a different degree of problem I suppose. I don't know. At this point I would be happy to go back to just having the chronic pain and feeling bad in that way, but you know what they say hindsight is 20/20 if I knew back then what I knew now, I would have just learned to live with the pain and not been so desperate to find an answer.

The doctor who put my testing kits together and deals with all kinds of different energy medicine keeps reminding me that even spiritual problems are rooted in physical imbalances, that even if it's some curse or evil spirit or something like that, not sure what to think, but even if it were that, it still should only be able to affect me on spiritual plane because of physical imbalance allowing the spiritual to manifest symptoms imbalances. In otherwords if everything is energy, for something spiritual (all energy since not physical) to affect us here in the physical, it still needs to have a physical place for the imbalance to host itself and you can't have that if there is not a weakness to begin with.

It's almost like everything needs to be strenghthened way beyond being able to be imbalanced all at one time so there's not weakness for the issue to move to. It just seems like it moves around, wherever it can find a weakness. Classical homeopathy is the best in a case like that, but even the most perfect fitting remedy, the one that covers the most issues isn't going to have everything and it seems like that one area it doesn't cover just leaves the door open for the problem to move to.

So in that respect it seems like there is nothing that can be done, yet I just don't believe that.

I really feel without a doubt that whatever happend on May 8th is responsible for my current state, the severe trauma, shock, terror.

At times I think it's my own body that's working against me which in that case, it seems like it should be something where the Brain is not giving proper instructions. Or could it be subconscious that is programmed to work against me. I don't know. But then other times it seems like the same issues working against me in health work against me in life as a whole. Things don't ever just naturally work out for me. Most of the time it's like I'm trying to paddle up a stream with the current full force going the other way and I'm just barely staying away from the edge/waterfall but really never making any headway. And times when progress does seem to happen, it seems like random events happen that prevent any further progress. One can't help but feel cursed.

And the strangest and most unsual things always happen to me that are never really dangerous or life threatening but just always major annoyances, add frustration, and also are problematic enough that it affects my life to a degree where others notice but just think I'm depressed and need medication. Also such unusual things that others look at me like I'm crazy, so there really is nobody out there who understands what I go through, when I try to explain to people they act like I'm being a baby, making it up or just trying to get attention or all of the above (probably because it does seem so unbelievable). And even if I do manage to convince others that I'm not crazy and really experiencing what I say I am, there is absolutely no sympathy or understanding, I just tend to get kicked even more when I'm down.

I have talked with counselors, spiritual advisors, etc and have some good friends much older than I who all they have to offer is, 'Steve, you certainly have gone through a lot more in your short life than anybody I know, life certainly has not been easy on you.' And sure these experiences help to shape us, mold us, make us into better people, but after awhile it just seems like, 'Man, am I being singled out by the divine for some sort of punishment or something.'

When it was just my chronic pain I used to make remedy after remedy after remedy and would get the same result every time, when I was close enough to the issue it would be an instant miraculous cure like response but only for a short while, nothing would work after that. Back then when I first stated experiencing it, I used to describe it as a block in the nerves, like something was trying to drill it's way through (after I would take the remedy), but like it just couldn't make it. Maybe proper nerve signals are not getting through to heal the problem.

I just don't know John. It would be the same way when I was upset about something or something was an issue in my life and I would pray to God for an answer and time and time again things would take a turn for the worse. So what would happen, I'd get angry with God, yell at God, 'why are you doing this to me?'

As little as I can remember stuff like this would happen. I had issues with bedwetting past the normal age, and even before I started school, kids would always invite me to sleepover, nothing else, only that. And of course I could never go, so I never had any friends, same thing as I got older and had tried all kinds of different things nothing helped with it, I finally outgrew it, but a whole part of my life in making friends and developing relationships I had to forego and it was one of those things where I would get initially excited, 'Hey mom, so and so invited me over, can I go?' And she'd be like, 'You know you can't go.' So then I'd get depressed and just soon learned that I couldn't ever say yes to opportunities. Then when I started school, the cruelest kids used to always be attracted to me. In elementary school I would rarely eat lunch because kids stole my lunches every single day, and I didn't do anything about it, the teachers didn't do anything about it.

I could go on and on, but I'm not here to tell a sob story, my point to all this is that I wonder if there isn't such deep emotional traumas that are just blocking this whole case. Problem again though is if there is so much and they are so deep, how do you treat everything at once, and you probably can't. And if you can't does that keep the case blocked? If it is Kundalini, I read over and over again, that nothing works, nothing helps. But also read a couple cases where people have overcome their emotional issues and they claim the Kundalini stopped.

I think when I was really young and having issues with bedwetting that I may have been having nightmares even though I didn't remember them consciously, so there may even back then have been some kind of spiritual issue leaving me open to issues with fear.

And also growing up, feeling like my parents didn't want me because it seemed like my brother (five years younger than me) was always favored. When I wanted to goto school, my parents wouldn't send me because they didn't agree with what I wanted to go for. When my brother was supposed to be saving up money in his job for school but instead spends it on computer stuff, they gave him the extra money to pay for his computer and money for college. When I buy supplements or stuff, my mom opens my mail and bank statements and has a fit when she sees I've been spending money. My brother crashed into the garage door and my mom told him not to do it again and gave him a hug. When I spill something on the floor, mom screams and yells and carries on to the point where I feel like I'd rather be dead than live with the extreme pain that I just caused her by such a little thing that I did.

There is a complete difference between the life my brother is living and the life I'm living. He's the one who has his life together and is doing something worthwhile, a success enough for my parents to tell other people so, and well I'm the son they try to avoid talking about whenever possible, the one who is weak and has emotional problems and needs help.

So maybe the block is just a very deep deep rooted feeling of not being worthy of anything along with the emotional hurt of feeling like I was never loved unconditionally. I don't know.

You know, something else, I've felt for a long time now before I was even worried about health or anything that I seemed to inherit all the weaknesses from both sides, both physical and mental/emotional/spiritual. If it would be helpful I could give you a list of some. I also have found that on my dad's side, there seems to be chronic issues that are difficult to treat. My dad has stomach issues and has tried everything and I've tried helping him too with various supplements and remedies and usually everything I give him just makes him worse and it doesn't make sense. His father died a few years back and had all kinds of lung issues (he worked in a foundry) and diabetes, and lupus and on and on and on, when he died he was on 27 different medications because every time he took something it created a problem somewhere else and they needed another medication to counteract the problem. He would have to go in to the doctor three times a week because they had him on coumadin and had such a hard time keeping his blood at the right level and again just seemed like one thing would throw everything else out of wack or create a problem somewhere else, much like my case, and if that's the case it's getting to sound like miasms.

Can a person have multiple miasms (like 2 or 3) working together to block a case? Could I have inherited multiple ones from my parents making this such a difficult case? I don't know, just some thoughts I've had.

Something else, don't know if this is helpful or not, but I have RNA/DNA vials and one of the things that the doctor recommends with the kits when nothing works is to track each of those vials separately to the toxins in the kits to see which toxins were inherited from mother and father almost like a miasm. I had a lot of different things come up for each, but the primary toxin for RNA was Helminth Parasite, and for DNA I got Subcutaneous Fungus.

So then I tracked each separately to Anatomy to see where the body is hosting these toxins or what areas are being weakened by the toxins.

For the RNA/Parasite:

Metabolic (Metabolic enzymes, also things like ATP, pyruvic acid, ketones, etc), Small Intestine, Large Intestine, Liver/Gallbladder, Pineal, Thyroid, Adrenal, Cardio, Lungs, Brain, Spinal Cord, Neuron, Thymus, Spleen Skin, Eyes, and Blood Cells.

For DNA/Fungus:

Cellular (which is actual cell structure and contents, can also be bone, connective tissue, muscle tissue, nerve cells), Thyroid, Adrenal, Cardio, Lungs, Brain, Male Reproductive, Skin, Eyes, Ears

The areas in common that were weakened by both RNA/Parasite and DNA/Fungus:

Thyroid, Adrenal, Cardiovascular, Lungs, Brain, Skin, Eyes.

The same thing happens with my testing as does with the remedies, where I feel like I get blocked. When I'm testing I can tell the second I starte to get inaccurate and there are ways to fix it, but again, it's like it only lasts so long and really not enough for me to really be fully accurate. If I change position, or move to another spot or drink something or eat something, all seems to help for a few seconds, sometimes I'll feel like I'm on a roll where I'm almost ready to find the problem/issue and then bam, I get blocked and know I can't find it (as if being taunted by whatever force is stopping me).

Things I inherited from my mom:

1.) Anger / overreacting / emotional
2.) Tendency to sunburn
3.) Flatulence/Gas
4.) Moles/Freckles
5.) Indecisive
6.) Poor self-worth/esteem
7.) Procrastination
8.) Lack of direction in vocation and dissatisfaction in any job.
9.) Stubborness
10.) Jealousy/Suspicion
11.) Teeth issues

My mom mostly just has a lot of issues mentally /emotionally / spiritually as she rarely gets sick so it's hard to give any physical weaknesses I picked up from her.

My dad used to tell me how my mom before they got married would always be breaking down crying and saying how she hates herself and how she's a wreck, a mess. So emotional instability also I got from my mom.

Things I inherited from my dad:

1.) Deep thinking over and over and over on a subject, analyzing things too much

2.) Digestive/stomach issues. Emotional stomach, churning, bubbling, stomach carrying on all due to emotions. I was taking rolaids/tums back in middle school because I would get myself so worked up that my stomach would just be in knots.

3.) Inabilty to let go of or forget things. Mom blows up and then forgets about things, my dad and I remember stuff much longer.

4.) Weak willed. My dad lacks motivation, enthusiam, excitement (he alwaays jokes that mom has enough for both of them, and that he needs to stay on an even keel to keep her grounded), so do I. Mom helps to motivate him, though in my opinion often in the wrong way. She dominates him, and his father had the same issue, weak letting people walk all over him and I have the same issue. Not the typical genetic predispositions you think of, but I see a pattern, and there has to be a reason for it.

5.) Quiet, inward focused, reflective, nervous, anxious.

6.) Premature grey hair.

7.) Catching almost everything that goes around. I'm not quite that bad, but usually dad and I are the ones to get sick, mom never does.

8.)Goes along with nervous, but jumpy, easily startled, jerking of the limbs on dozing off.

10.) Sinus congestion.



On my dad's side, my grandma had Cancer when I was very young. I think it was uterine cancer. And surgery was successful. Then 7 years ago today she had breast cancer, and beat it, but that's two cases of cancer. My grandfather on the same side also had prostate cancer.

Both my parents are very intuitive, the difference is that my mom is so oblivious to stuff she doesn't realize she is that way. My dad is intuitive like me but also like me at a price. We both get vibes, sense energy, but we're also totally open to it to such a degree that it weakens us. Dad's stomach always depends on whether or not mom is having a good day. She will rant and rave and carry on not even thinking about how dad takes everything so seriously, whether she is ranting about him or about some random thing, and while she just does that to get it out of her system, that's like major energy that adversely affects my dad and thus his stomach. Then he feels really bad and mom just tells him to stop getting himself all worked up when she's the one ranting and raving. Very similar to me and how I get affected.

Also along the same lines, I think I let my mom's words become self-fulfilling prophecy. Like because she's so strong, and my dad and I are weaker, we get pushed around a lot, but I also see things that mom says (negativity) come true constantly without fail. My ada and I both are in the same situation where mom will say something like, 'you know, if you do that, this is going to happen.' And what we want to do is just something we feel we should do, but mom's words somehow remain strong in the back of our minds so we're expecting to fail before we even get started and what do you know, 9 times out of 10 it works out exactly like mom said and then we come back licking out wounds, mom is telling us (as if we need to hear it when we're already feeling defeated and like a loser) how we better never make that mistake again and we should never do anything unless it's what she thinks is best. And at the same time we both get heck for letting people walk all over us, not standing up to them and making our own decisions right or wrong. So it's a catch 22.

11.) Tendency to be cold, though not lately between the heat and the feeling the heat flashes in the body or whatever it is, definitely not typically me.

12.) I think sexual weakness might be something else from my dad. I don't know for sure, but I just have a feeling since he's so weak in many respects physically.

The biggest difference I can see is how the two process emotions. One blows up and releases everything (mom) and the other (dad) keeps everything stored up inside, or takes on so much of the energy of different situations and people. Definitely something I do. So is there any wonder why the two of us are the ones who always get sick.

My mom was 22, dad was 23 when they had me. Will have to do some research and get you the other ones.

Forgot varicose veins from mom.

Motion sickness from dad, goes along with his weak stomach. And here is another rarity, while the two of us tend to have very easily upset stomachs, we also have very strong stomachs when it comes to throwing up. It usually has to be pretty bad for us to throw up.

My mom has the same excessive drooling.

Dandruff from my dad.

Had a wart on my foot along time ago, so did my dad around the same time.

Well, my mom's dad died early of diabetes, I don't know exactly when but shortly before they were even married, so a few years before I was even thought of. So I never met him. So I think she kind of grew up being the tough one. She was also very independent and stubborn. I know mom's sister felt a lot that her mom never really loved her and just is really hurt over stuff today and my mom is just like, 'You know, she just needs to let it go and get over it.' I can't really say how things were as far as her parents because mostly I hear stories about how stubborn she was as a child, so I imagine there was not much they could do with her. My grandmother told me a story the other day how mom was wearing feety pajamas when she was younger and she would put the pajamas on backwards and my grandma would tell her she had them on wrong cause the feet were pointing in the wrong direction, but my mom threw a fit and insisted they were on right (she still insists she's right about stuff today even when she's not), so finally my grandma just cut the feet off of them since my mom wouldn't change the way she wore them. And so I think today mom kind of does the same thing to me. if she doesn't like something I've done she'll just go ahead and do something about it. She has a good relationship with her mom.

Hey John, check out this remedy Lac Maternum:

http://www.tinussmits.com/english/inspiring/Lacmaternum/synt...

Also, don't know if I mentioned or not how when I was very young, don't even know how old I was, but when still a baby, stopped breathing, parents took me to the hospital, I had turned blue, and I'm not sure if they did anything or if I just started breathing again on my own. Not sure if the brain had been deprived of oxygen or not, but could have been detrimental to the developmental stage of it.

Last nights sleep was pretty good, I slept through my alarm this morning. And was having one of those dreams where I was half awake, like almost conscious of the radio going in the background, but yet fully engrossed in the dream.

It was that my parents were having people over to look at the house they were selling it and moving somewhere else which totally shocked me because they love where they are they would never move. So also it was as if I was sleeping and all of a sudden these people come in. So it was like invasion of my space. And also they had kids and they went right to my kits and were playing with my vials, I was so concerned they were going to break them or open them and dump the stuff out and ruin them. Then they asked me if I was running some sort of medical clinic or something. I've had a dream before, maybe two years ago, that somebody was messing up my kits, like taking the vials out of the case and putting them all out of order. And also before I came back home, probably November or so, I had the same thing where I felt like I was half in a dream and half conscious at the same time. It's really strange. Similar though in a way to waking life where I feel like there is a thin veil between me and the spirit world. Like the wall between the two worlds that was there keeping me separate is not as thick. Like I'm in both at the same time, caught between worlds, and speaking of, that's something my psychic friend said to me too, like I'm in between worlds.

Rocking seemed better this morning when walking and sitting, but seemes to be a little worse as day goes by. Some sweating of the hands.

ALso, that remedy Lac Maternum describes head symptoms as if 'COTTON WOOL' in the head and when I think about it, I think that might be similar to what I'm trying to describe with the fuzzy feeling in head or cotton anyway, reminds me of cotton candy or something.

Been doing research on /trying to find remedies that might cover sensitivity to Physical and Psychic influences and found the Bowel Nosode 'Gaertner,' which it looks like is normally for children, but seems to have the hypersensitivity to all impressions including psychic. And it's funny because a lot of the characteristics fit me. Fair, light hair, blue eyes, freckles, pale, overactive brain, intelligent, excitable, nervous.

John, tried talking with my mom a little and naturally got into conversation about her relationship with her parents. She of course didn't say much about her father, but she did say that she never had issues with her mom at all when growing up, never felt unloved. I tried asking questions to see if she would elaborate and her response was just that she didn't analyze her relationship with her parents, they just didn't do that. She mostly just explained that her mom was always around when they needed her, there was always food on the table when they came home (they grew up on a farm so she was at home all the time, just sometimes doing chores in the milkhouse etc.) But she never talked about things like emotional support or anything like that, it was all basic provisions that were provided. And that's a lot how my mom is with us. She is totally grounded in the physical, whereas I'm almost the complete opposite, live more in the spiritual, where I can at times neglect physical aspects of living because of being more engrossed in spiritual/emotional, particularly emotional. My aunt (mom's younger sister) though who had a lot of problems growing up with her mother, mostly just because she felt the same way that I do that she didn't get the emotional support/love that she needed. Mom feels that she does everything she can to show me she loves me, but I don't feel like it because it's all things like nagging at me to do something that she knows I need to do and being concerned about responsibilities and yet to me that doesn't convey love, I can't feel loved by anything physical that anyone does for me, it has to be emotional.

On my mom's side, my grandma would have been 26 when she had my mom, but my mom isn't the oldest of the children.

On my dad's side, my grandma was 27 when my dad was born. And she would have been in her late fourties or early fifties when she had uterine cancer, and then 72 when had breast cancer.

I was thinking about something today how I often tend to hiccup soon after eating. And then many times I tend to hiccup and burp at the same time, don't remember if I mentioned this before or not. Really strange, everybody looks at me like I'm croaking or something and ask if I'm okay, cause it sounds funny.

Have always been somewhat clumsy, running into walls or losing my balance going around corners.

Some of the tingling that I feel in my body now is the exact same kind of tingling that came on just before that psychic attack or whatever it was. Also not sure if I mentioned but because of the intense shock/fear/emotional trauma/near death whatever you want to call it, I was sitting and just shaking uncontrollably for about five minutes, I don't remember if I was cold or not, I think I might have been, but I don't remember for sure. But the shaking/trembling I do remember very clearly. Then there was a case where I felt like there was some malicious being that was ramming me, like ramming into my energy field. Picture Star Trek and something battering the shields and the strenght of the shields going down. Well I'm quite sure that my energy field also was very much weakened by this. My psychic friend told me that I need a stronger bioelectric field around my body to help protect me against energies.

Okay, I'm really excited about this. I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with a way to test more accurately, get past the block and I think I may have found it. Everything seems much more accurate.

I tracked DNA and only got three things. One is Strep which I knew before I tested, didn't even have to wonder about that one. Also got two other bacteria and the Spiritual Curse Vial. The two bacteria, one was Alcaligenes, known to cause pulmonary disease (my grandfather had all kinds of pulmonary issues). The other was Brucella bacteria common cause of sterility/infertility. The curse was interesting because that tracked to Liver/Kidney's and Tumor/Growth, most likely meaning that the predispostion for cancer is because of inherited weakness in the Liver/Kidney's. Anger/Fear. Didn't do RNA, but my primary issue came up Small Intestine (Vulnerability) and Spleen (Jealousy). Spleen being the primary issue and a Virus (Simian 40).

Spleen immediately got me to thinking, what if we are fighting an intelligence, but not fighting God as I so though, but instead we're fighting my own immune system (autoimmune). It would certainly explain the reason for symptoms shifting around so much like they do to such extreme degrees, literally chaotically so, but what if it's only chatoic because we're dealing with something systemic that affects every single part of the body so deeply as the immune system.

Forgot to mention that my grandma on my mom's side, also has issues with treatments that never seem to help. She baffles the most knowledgeable nutritional healers because everything they give her makes her worse. She has Lupus and she has always attributed it to that. But it seems like the higher the quality supplement (organic, whole food type vitamins and stuff) just makes her symptoms 10 times worse than some generic multi-vitamin or something. She has taken supplements that were supposed to calm down and quiet inflammation and all it did was exacerbate it to such a degree she thought she was going to have to call the ambuluence she was in so much pain and couldn't even move. And we know it's the supplements because stopping the symptoms go away, starting them up again it starts up.

Anyway just throwing things out for thought.

Right, regardless of the name of the disease or the name of the imbalance, there's still a cause.

Tried checking DNA against my classical kit and got the four remedies:

Arsenicum Album (of course Ars. has great fear of death)

Calcarea Sulphuricum - Psoric

Scutellaria - Nervous system

Crotalus Horridus (Anxiousness, pale, cold sweat, sensitivity, cries when reading, sensitive to noise, fear, timidity. Dwells on death, dreams of death, dead people) Also the PROFOUND NERVOUS SHOCK aspect of it really would describe what happened to me on MAY 8th. Definitely a shock to the nervous system.

Then of those 4 I checked RNA too and only Ars. and Crot. came up for both.


Something else I noticed tonight, we were moving some stuff into my apartment (going to be moving this weekend, so will probably have more depression, loneliness etc for a bit). But anyway, with this heat, carrying stuff up to the second floor and the apartment not having air conditioning it was HOT. However, what I did notice was that INTENSE SWEATING made me feel better, physially and emotionally/mentally. I would say that I had more feeling dizziness/faint than the rocking, but I felt heavier, more grounded. Not that the rocking totally went away, just helped some.

Also was looking at the remedies indicated for Ailments from Fright and both Arsenicum and Crotalus are listed.

From my understanding, autoimmune conditions occur when there are so many toxins built up that they start to interlock with normal cells and the body has a hard time differentiating between them and attacks healthy cells in confusion.

Testing for highest toxic load, I get emotions, bacteria, RNA/DNA and Vaccines.

Vaccines came up highest - MMR Vaccine.

And for emotions, I got SELF-STRESS. So I checked for specifics and got Self-Stress specifically relating to Holding onto/not being able to let go of some experience in love. And that is so true, has been going on my whole life since about fifth grade, have had major disappointments, rejections, failures, things not working out relationship wise and the along with the not being able to let go of, there is also the obsessive analyzing/thinking aspect. (Overactive mind).

Read somewhere that Carcinocin can be good for MMR vaccine. I would imagine that was the vaccine I had that was so traumatic, where I was screaming, yelling almost as if for my life, I didn't want it, and they got three people to hold me down on the table and give it to me in the behind, and then the nurse made some comment about she hopes it hurt really bad because I was being such a baby and look at all the trouble I caused. As if the vaccine itself wasn't enough, add to that emotional baggage to go.

Okay, just running all these possibilities through my mind, maybe one of these days I'll learn something :)

Oh and as to whom is fighting whom, yeah, same old question, my guess is my immune system is fighting with me, fighting with everything I do, but why? Well, what if because it's already hyperactive (because of toxic load) that anything new introduced just throws it more into chaos whether big or small. Whether that be food, environment, emotions, subtle energies, everything.

Luc de Schepper mentions two remedies for hypersensitives. Phosphorus and Arsenicum Album.

So what do you do? What about target specific and broad? Take out the biggest load while you're working on strengthening the constitution overall. Balance back and fourth. Not suggesting more than one remedy at a time, just alternating a broad based with a specific. Only problem is that you have to know the specific, and the other thing is that this is different than an intercurrent and might mix the case up too much, just trying to think of a way to attack all sides of the problem, and feel like it needs to be general and specific all at the same time.

No, I think even with my chronic pain it was the same way that I felt like I was better from sweating. Plus I forgot to mention it has to be face and upper body. Like my shirt has to be literally drenched for it to be an improvment. And obviously the intense sweating of the hands and feet don't make it better, but it's totally a different type of sweating. But yeah, nothing new, just something else that came up that I remembered.

Thought of something else, when I was reading a description of China Off. one time that totally fits me. I tend to be somewhat naiive to the world (goes along with my living in the spiritual aspect of the world and not in the physical reality). Like no matter how many times I get hurt, it's like a shock for me that someone would be rude to me or say something mean, no matter how many times it happens. I always think that everyone is nice and believe the best in people and it's very disheartening to know that people aren't always that way (and like I said no matter how many times it happens, it still hurts just as bad each time, almost as if it was the first time I had ever experienced rejection or disappointment). Like when I worked at the car dealership and I would spend four hours with a person and show them 7 different cars and they would leave me a deposit on the vehicle and tell me how much they really liked working with me and then the next day I find out they bought one somewhere else because they got a $50 better deal. Or when I find out that someone I trusted in sharing things with, used information to their own benefit and ended up causing me grief later down the road. So the problem lies in my wrong perception that life is or should be this perfect fairy tale and then when I find out the opposite the world seems like a very harsh place. And it makes total sense now the people I get along with best and the people I don't get along with. The people who understand me best are the ones who are more like me in that respect, the people who I have the most problems with are those who are excessive like me, but in the opposite direction, seeing only physical aspects of things. Those who think that as long as you have enough money to pay the bills then you shouldn't be unhappy.

Didn't sleep real good last night. Don't think I got to sleep until 3:00. I think my whole life it would usually take me an hour or more to get to sleep, just laying there until I would finally be able to drift off. Once I got to sleep I slept through to the morning and no dreams that I remember last night.

Did also notice last night that the more tired I was the more I would get that visual sensation of objects jumping and feeling like I see bugs on the floor or something crawling, moving on the floor out of the corner of my eye.

Okay, interesting, not sure if I'm right or not, but just something to throw out there. Even though I was sure Phosphorus was my constitutional remedy, I tried testing again (hadn't done so since before May 8 when I got Phos) for my const. remedy and this time got Calcarea Carb.

Just a few of the characteristics that fit me very well:

Prefers to stay safely inside it's shell, clinging to a rock for security.

Content to stay at home and watch television preferably with someone to cuddle and high calorie (or high carb) snacks.

For Calcarea, security lies in the FAMILIAR, change is threatening. BOY IS that true for me, don't take me out of my comfort zone. Change is often avoided by simply staying put. Like staying a job for x number of years even when not happy and have the means to get out of it. Been there done that.

Remaining in the same town as birth for entire life, only venturing out for holidays and always glad to get back.

Slow to try new things, make new friends. Reluctant to consider different philosophies, points of view.

Very concerned with material security (even though I don't base everything on money, still a concern) and have a tendency to be hypochondriacal and worry about the future and what might happen to them in a material sense. And while Arsenicum will try to change circumstances (be precise, frugal), Calcarea will try to avoid change (THAT IS ME, big time!!)

When there is something coming up that I'm not thrilled about or don't want to do my reaction always is to try to put it off, avoid it, hope it goes away. Hoping that things will just take care of themselves so I don't need to do anything and so that I can remain in my usual pattern and not have to do anything different.

Once security is reasonably ensured, Calcarea doesn't need much excitement, wealth or prestige, again VERY TRUE of me.

But then there's the aspects of Calcarea not being soul searchers like Natrum Muriaticum, which totally doesn't fit me.

However, the resisting change is a huge aspect for me and has been my whole life. It's probably the biggest reason I don't take action in things, because with the unfamiliar it's uncertain as to what will happen and I don't like that. I like to know, be comfortable knowing that this is going to happen on this day and this is going to happen and it's a routine that I can do, that I'm capable of.

Speaking of my strong resistance to change, does this sound anything like my body resisting everything I try remedy wise??? Just a thought.