Stronger Potency or Better Remedy? _{Page 35 of 44}

The feeling like lack of connection to my body is not really something new, it's just become more evident, or I feel it to be true more stronly than I did before.

Like I'm more sure now than I was before that I'm lacking a connection to my body, that I'm lacking a relationship with my body, that I'm avoding being in my body or that I don't want to be in my body, something along those lines. And I know the reason I wouldn't want to be in my body is May 8th. Almost like trying to coax a scared child to try something again after being frightned.

Problem still is, why I have times where I feel totally connected an then doesn't last long.

At once point an energy healer told me I was being pushed/forced out of my body, but wasn't sure why.

Had a dream about my great uncle last night in a positive light. Which is different than in real life. I don't ever even like to visit or see him anymore because everytime I do he belittles you and I come away feeling so humiliated and like such a loser, so I just totally avoid him. Never want to see him.

There are also times where I want to describe what I'm feeling as if I were walking around inside my body.

And I've had this feeling for awhile just never said it that way cause I'm not sure how to describe it. I only say walking around inside my body because of the feeling that my internal body doesn't match up with my external body.

Forgot to mention, pain under left scapula has been bad even in evenings when not at work. Seems to be a very consistent thing all day long. Doesn't bother me during sleep though. Laying down makes it better (at least better than sitting) but still there, constant.

Check out this indication for Thuja:

► Tearing in the left scapula (after three days), [1]. ► Dull cutting under the left shoulderblade, [80]. ► Cutting from the point of the left scapula through the chest to the edge of the middle portion of the sternum (first day)

You know, I've been thinking more about the TMI/Nuclear Reactor incident. What if it's Plutonium that's affecting me on such a deep level? What's most interesting is the references to:

A.) Feeling constantly under attack

B.) Panic/Fear

C.) The sensation of either HEAVINESS or LIGHTNESS. Varied among provers. But it seems like they either felt one or the other.

D.) Feelings of Disintegration

E.) Sense of deep depression at the core of being.

F.) Sensation of SOUL leaving the body.

G.) Sensation of elongation, or of BEING REALLY TALL.



PLUTONIUM METALLICUM has extreme gravity, fatigue and exhaustion. Feels constantly under threat and in fear of disintegration. Whereas in Osmium it is recklessness, in Plutonium it is a deep and pressing constraint that requires enormous effort to clear.

Again, just as in Ferrum and Osmium, we see the need for perseverance in the effort required. Ferrum cannot sustain this due to depletion and weakness and Osmium cannot either due to impatience.

The fatigue in Plutonium can be paralysing and by shape shifting or a change of identity the individual is able to ‘cheat’ this threat of paralysis. Multiple personalities can form to serve this purpose (as in Platina). This is the beginning of the decay or disintegration. There is an obligation to persevere, the powerful force is working against them so they can become aggressive in their need to survive. Either aggressive, deeply religious, philosophical, overly responsible or servile. Fear and panic also dominates.

Understandably, depression and other deep seated disease states develop, such as asthma, chronic fatigue syndrome, allergies, anorexia, hypertension, bone diseases, psychosis, gastro-enteritis, sacralgia.

The very essence of survival is threatened and there is emotional pain and physical pain. Relationships are threatened or disturbed. Terrible chaos and accidents occur. We have a hint of this in Osmium.

PLUTONIUM NITRICUM brings in the characteristics of Nitricum, one of these being a sense of abundance and expansion which links in with the capaciousness of Ferrum. Nitricum needs space else it will explode and as explosion is the main threat behind Plutonium this creates a twofold terror.

As with Plutonium metallicum we have again suppression, threat and endangerment of survival of the species and this threat is either faced with aggression or servility. Depression, fear and panic is observed. The individual ceases to be important in the survival of the species so there are issues around confusion of identities. Accidents feature again, often in dreams. Once more, relationships are threatened. Because the Nitricum aspect cannot be contained in a small space there will be terrible fears accompanied by a need to escape. Interestingly a fear of cancer is a strong keynote and one could define cancer as an ‘expansive’ disease.

Physically you can expect to see congestion, swelling, respiratory problems such as bronchitis and asthma, allergies, ailments of the spinal column and chronic fatigue syndrome, headaches that feel as if the head will explode, acute illnesses that have taken on a sub chronic state, such as tonsillitis, nausea, diarrhoea.

Such is the threat with Plutonium I believe some practitioners have noted bizarre accidents occurring just by having the remedy on the premises!

In summary

Related themes are ENERGY – EXPANSION – ACCIDENTS – EXHAUSTION.




Also information about Plutonium here on this site:

http://www.dynamis.edu/eng/interviews.htm#radioactive

Also seems like the greater the sense of electrical current going through my body, the lighter I feel, and the more sweaty I feel or the more I seem to perspire (hands/feet). I trying to see if I could find anything that really describes the electrical current sensation like I feel and the only one I came up with was X-ray.

I think it was since the Phos-Ac 200c, I've noticed like a slight nausea that has continued on. It's pretty constant. Area of belly button. Very minor, but just kind of always there in the background.

There is also a lot of muscle twitchings, bubbling sensations in the feet (bottoms) when there is increased electrical current (and sweating/perspiration of feet) going through body and noticing it most in feet as if it were passing out of my feet (exit path).

Seems to be much alternating between heaviness and lightness this evening. Some moments where parts feel fuller/heavier (normal, or at least normal pre-May 8th), but then it doesn't last long, goes back to lighness, but am definitely having more of these moments.

Had lots of dreams last night.

1.) Back in school, trying to find a place to sit in the one classroom, but everybody had already taken almost all the seats.

2.) Was in school and really frustrated/unhappy (not sure what about) about life and saw this board and there was this organization called NPU that was wanted to help. I think there was also NPU.com

Only thing I could find that made any kind of sense was:

Neuroscience and Psychiatry Unit (NPU)

The NPU was established to bring together a group of psychiatrists, psychologists and laboratory scientists to identify the abnormal brain mechanisms which underlie common mental illnesses such as schizophrenia and depression. The NPU is located in a refurbished group of offices and laboratories on the ground floor of the Stopford Building.

3.) Was talkig with a boss/friend fnrom the dealership who is no longer there and was telling him how I'm making even less money now than I was at the dealership.

4.) Was at work where I currently work now and somebody wanted me to do something for them and then somebody else wanted something and somebody else etc. It was like all these people at once wanted stuff, very overwhelming.

Also, something annoying, but it's been going on a long time (don't know how long exactly, but years for sure) is that stools tend to stick to rectum/anus. Stools are usually messy/soft.

And just like the urination, it comes on fast (urging for stool) and don't have a lot of time, must go quickly.

Could be nothing, but thought I would mention it anyway in case. Something that seems a slight degree worse today is slight swelling of my legs/ankles. Have had this for many many years, and it doesn't look swollen but it seems there must be a slight edema or something because area where my socks are (when taken off) look visibly like a very different thickness compared to the rest of my leg, as if someone had wittled off part of my leg (where my socks were), and not just from the tightness of the sock. Also is itchiness there.

And more burning in the right nostril again today. Along with some odors of like smoke or fire. Have had some strange odors before though, so don't think it's really anything new. More coughing as well, feeling of something in the lungs that needs to come out. And then along with the burning in the right nostril, more of the draining sensation as if from the sinuses.

Also this would be a good time for me financially to order some remedies if there's anything you think we're going to need like higher LM potency of Lachesis etc.

If there is a part of me that is leading us astray it's the same part of me that I feel exists that is working against me, that feeling of some force in my life trying to hold me back, prevent me from getting anywhere. Same thing that prevents remedies from working, same thing that creates symptoms here, then over there, then somewhere else that seems to confuse the case.

There is too much chaos for me to think that this is my body's normal response. Problem is, it's the same thing that occurs in my family line. My situation just seems to be to a greater degree because of past influences that other family never had contact with.

The same part of me that feels like it's not REALLY me when I get angry or upset or jealous or whatever, like it's some other influence acting out a part in me. Not that I don't still have ultimate control over how I react to situation, it's just harder for me to stay in control.

Not only does this part create problems directly, it works side by side with others in my life to accentuate those circumstances that will bring me the most grief / pain / suffering, while blinding everyone else to this fact, so it appears as if I'm mad/crazy, when my gut instinct tells me there is something going on here. Too much to be just pure coincidence that these things happen. So often I'm able to poinpoint through gut feelings what's going on in other's lives, know things that I have no direct knowledge of and yet when it comes to my own situation, people like my mom look at me like I've lost my mind.

Increased sexual desire today. Probably from Lachesis. I'm just not one to share certain things for the whole world to see. For all those years kept almost everything I could from my parents because I knew there would always be consequences if I opened up. Has always happened no matter how many times I tried to give it a shot and just be honest with them about what I'm feeling emotionally/physically, what my thoughts are on something etc, whatever the situation may be, something negative always came out of it in my relationship with my parents. So I would rather keep it safe inside than to start a conflict or disagreement or whatever or have someone tell me they don't agree with me, and I know we've had this discussion before about letting other people be who they are and be who you are. But there are times I would just rather not deal with the consequences of revealing everything, not just about the issues we've been talking about, everything in life.

I haven't experienced nearly as much as most people and I'm still cautious about what I reveal. Those who have gotten truths out of me that I didn't at first want to tell, almost laugh at what I say because from their perspective they feel it's 'NOTHING,' but of course it's a big deal to me. I look at it as a grave sin or something I shouldn't have done and feel guilty about (even generally, not just referring to sexual issues). Like I approach everything as such a high degree of importance / seriousness. One bad day spells the end of the world, one wrong thing said to me is more important than all other 30 things said to me that were good. Each little thing carries with it the weight of the world and life as we know it could be over because of one little thing.

So, mental picture:

Far Too Serious

Imagines he has done something wrong (often do that, thinking the worst, that someone is upset with me, that I did something to upset them, when it's not even true)

Cautious

Not trusting (I feel like I am a trusting person, people always call me naiive, so in some ways I'm trusting, just not with everything about me).

Scared/Lots of Fears

Anxious/Uptight/Nevous/High Strung

Moody/Changeable/Highly Emotional.

Deeply Depressed/Sad/Lacking Joy, Peace

Indecisive in even the smallest decisions (wavering back and fourth, first deciding on one thing, then on another, then back again to the other and then finally making the decision to stick with the other option, only to find that five minutes after making a final decision starts wavering again).


Seems most like the Sycotic Miasm to me. In fact the more I'm reading on the different miasms, I'm seeing how over the course of my life, so many circumstances, where I felt ashamed of different things, embarrassed, wanting to hide things, cover them up, keep people from seeing the truth.

I would say I was in a syphilitic state before May 8th and after, moved to Sycotic. Everyday pretty much not wanting to live, to now, not wanting to die.

Possibly even before May 8th, Syphilitic mixed with Sycotic. Also cancer miasm in there, trying to hold onto hope when things seem hopeless. But I would have to say predominating is Sycotic.


Read something interesting on Merc which seems very true for me:


Roger Morrison: Has one of the best descriptions of the core of the Mercury state.

Introversion. On the emotional level, the Mercury patient tends to be withdrawn and introverted. The emotions are often strong internally but are rarely given expression. The patient feels different than other people and has a sort of instinctive reserve about expressing himself or even a suspiciousness of others. He puts on a facade of normality and conservatism. The patient will often confirm a noteworthy symptom: It is necessary for him to feel that the person he speaks to is listening carefully, with undivided attention or he will be unable to speak.

So very true of me. Especially the beginning. Plus with the oversensitiveness of Merc.

What do you think?

Then again there's also indications for Tuberculular Miasm as well, and the Strong Fear of Dogs being one of them.

I think I'm a combination of all of them. I have the hypersensitivity of Psora, Romantic/Dissatisfied of Tuberculinum (But not the extroverted/social part of tuberculinum), Suspicious/Jealous of Sycosis (not NOT a hard realist), Guilty/Madness and Genius wih deep sense of irony of Syphilinum.

Boy, the indications for Tuberculinum and Carcinosin fit me really well. But they are of course based on the Psora/Syphilinum and Sycotic.

Given that there's Autoimmune on both sides of the family as well as Diabetes on both sides of the family SYCOTIC seems very present. I think Sycotic (the mentals) fits my dad very well.

My grandmother seems to be Tubercular, so possibly my mom too, because my mom seems to fit more with Psora and Syphilitic. But I definitely think my mom is a combination where my dad seems more straight sycotic (based on indications).

There's something else from yesterday that I didn't mention, and was hesitant to because it will seem like I'm crazy. But I noticed on my left arm closer to my wrist (top of arm) that I had two deep grooves, like two lines running parallel to each other and definitely deep grooves in the skin. Almost looked like scar marks the way the skin was kind of meshed together or something at those spots it's hard to explain, but I feel like it's some kind of error at the cellular level in cell reproduction or something, and there is no way it could have come from leaning against something, I wasn't leaning that hard. It eventually faded, but at that time and after that the lightness increased greatly and still is with me now. I had lines like this before and I know they are real. I had other marks appear out of nowhere on my skin, the other one was a round circle thing with a dot in the center, and that one I actually got a picture of because it happened so frequently. I should have gotten a picture of these marks too but it may have been tough to tell.

The other mark that I took a picture of, I did research on it to see if there was a symbolic meaning and I came up with 'SUN,' 'SPIRIT,' and the Boy Scout Symbol for, 'I'VE GONE HOME.'

The skin thing also goes along with that feeling like I'm disappearing / disintegrating / transparent / invisible.

I also remember even when very young as a child, waking up from sleep and seeing scratches on my skin and thinking to myself how in the world I could have possibly done that during my sleep.

During my search last night on Miasms I came across an article that talked about evil spirits being passed on in an inherited sense, and even those that come into our life are only of the energy that is inherent within us. In otherwords if we have a genetic weakness for Anger, of course we could be prone to being affected by psychic influences that cause anger etc.

So this morning I said a short prayer just asking God to remove any psychic influence passed on through generations, to cancel and vows/agreements I made willingly/unwillingly, to close any doorways that I may have opened on May 8th allowing influence into my life.

Immediately I began to feel a greater sensation of rocking/swaying, and also increased heaviness throughout my body. Not quite normal. But it's almost as good as the initial response I got to the Medorrhinum in terms of heaviness. Didn't start from the feet and go up, was more just full body all at once.