Stronger Potency or Better Remedy? _{Page 7 of 44}

Around 8:00 body got light. Rocking really started up again and the sensations when moving too. Almost like when you see a video where the camera is moving all around, kind of wobbly back and fourth that's how things look.

Was really really bad, the lightness and feeling as if made of air and like my body isn't solid or structured, like its some fluid substance and at one point when walking it was as if I would sink down into the floor, one of my legs. Felt like my body was mush.

Then later, around 10:00 I got a sensation of intense heat in my feet, followed by a headache, not like before but more like a throbbing headache, as if pressure in the cranium, followed by a feeling like everything got quiet, as if everything stopped, like time stopped and I was going to die or something, as if my body was going to stop. Then all of a sudden got all this mucous coating over my throat. This is just really crazy.

It does seem that the tingling/crawling in the head gets worse when symptoms are worse, gets more intense, like energy or current running through my head. Also at first it was just that my feet were really sweating/perspiring but then also my hands.

Well, it did seem/feel like there was actual mucous coating my throat and I kind of got it up into my mouth but then it seemed like mostly saliva unless it was just because the saliva mixed with it. There was definitely something over my throat, and can't say for sure what it was, but felt like mucous.

The rocking or feeling like things are moving like on a boat on rocky water was like a 7, mostly just because I'm used to it, wasn't any worse than usual.

The feeling light, feeling like my body was made of air or like it was some soluble substance or something was like a 10. It's been that bad before, just hasn't been awhile, probably the last time was early on when I first came back home to PA. So like March, maybe in April.

The headache was not that severe, maybe like a 4/5 and only lasted a few minutes.

Sweating of the feet was pretty intense, so maybe like 8/9. Sweating of hands wasn't as bad as it's been in the past so say 6 or 7.

After taking the Phosphorus I'd say that the feeling like the floor was stable not rocking back and fourth went to a one, only slight bit. When standing still/sitting etc. probably still a 6, didn't change a huge lot, mostly affected the symptoms worse by movement.

And feeling like everything was stopped, like I was going to stop, time, life, whatever again was something that only lasted a little bit and came on so suddenly so it was like an intense shock when it first happened, like that instant panic feeling, but then it slowly subsided. Probably like a 7, kinda went along with the feelings of detached, far away feeling, like I'm distant, not there, not really in a daze, but still as if things were unreal.

As far as surroundings moving and looking like the camera/video that isn't being held stll and moving around, that's the same way my body feels too at times when rocking back and fourth, not necessarily worse when lighter, but FEELS worse when body feels lighter, like it bothers me more then.

Slept okay last night once got to sleep, didn't get enough though, really tired this morning. Had a dream last night that my aunt had bought me balloons for my bday and she spent like $50 to get me all these balloons. I was upset that she spent that much money and was crying in my dream. All morning just the feeling that I'm hanging onto my life by a thread, don't know how to describe the physical symptoms, but just feel like I'm barely staying alive.

Yesterday also my mom had been cleaning the windows and of course the smell of the windex or whatever she was using gave me an instant headache and made me nauseous.

Something else I should tell you, I've tried to do my energetic testing whenever I feel really bad, when my symptoms are worse, with the lightness, like yesterday and seem to repeatedly get the same thing over and over and over. Blood Cells usually comes up particularly Neutrophils and Monocytes and Cytoxic T Cells. Also usually get IgG/IgM. And it's usually Chemical Solvent or some kind of Neurotoxin causing the issue.

When thing seem to calm down, I always get Tumor/Growth as primary issue. Always get Benign Growth and it usually tracks to different parts of the Brain and Adrenal Glands (particularly chromaffin cells, corepinephrine, adlosterone, cortisol, angiotensin mechanism). Again feeling like some kind of solvent toxin is causing the tumor/growth, along with other things, but that just being the primary issue.

I may not be completely accurate, but it seems like it comes up far too often. And I am usually very accurate as far as diagnostically, just not in finding a remedy that works. I one time tested a lady who told me something other than one she had wrong with her and I came up with the tubes of her pancreas (being some issue with them), she told me later that she lied because she wanted to see if it would influence my testing and informed me that it was the exact diagnosis that her doctors had given her.

Did get really thirsty then last night, had two glasses of water before bed.

Rocking is about usual today, when sitting/not moving. When moving, a little better. Do feel heavier, after sleeping body usually does feel heavier again, not so light. Also really feel the rocking or energy (force) moving in head.


Also, recently got my copy (Sixth Edition) of the Organon out (hadn't looked at it in years so am not familiar at all with what it says) and thought I would see what I come up with intuitively in the book that would explain what is causing my condition. Didn't have the book open and intuitively got §40:

'It can also happen that the new disease, after impinging for a long time on the organism, joins the old one that is dissimilar to it, and they form a complicated disease. Each disease takes its own region in the organism, that is, it takes the organs especially appropriate for it. As it were, it takes only the peculiar place that is proper for it, leaving the rest of the organism to the dissimilar disease. Etc.'

Though my having a complicated condition is no surprise.

Well, there are about 200 different solvents within this vial that I test and I don't have individual vials for each one, but I tried breaking it down and got Mercury, which you normally think of as being a heavy metal, but I read up on it and it seems that when metals are in a liquid form they can act as solvents. So I started thinking back to when I would have been exposed to mercury and remembered (had forgotten) shortly before all my strange and unusual chronic pain symptoms started, I had accidentally broken a mercury thermometer at home that my mom had for years (old kind with the mercury in it). So don't know if inhaled it or got on my skin or what, but I do remember being exposed to it, but at the time didn't think much of it.

The Dr. who put the kits together that I used to diagnose, has the belief that tumors are caused when there is a toxin in the body that the body does not know how to deal with, so it traps it or encapsulates it so that it doesn't spread, so it can't do harm. So the solvent thing may (if I'm accurate in checking myself)just be the primary feeding factor, something in my system, as opposed to a continuous exposure, but not sure. When I track the Benign Growth vial to the other toxins to see what's causing it, I get many things, spiritual, emotional, bacteria, electromagnetic stress, etc, but the primary one was the solvent.

Also, my friend who is an R.N. told me once when I first started having these symptoms (the ones after May 8, 2005)and went to see her, is that she felt like my body was producing excessive amounts of catecholomines, so something Adrenal related.

The barely staying alive sensation is something I have had before, I don't describe it like that all the time, but sometimes it does feel that way, normally worse when body is lighter. The feeling as if I am trying to stay in my body, to stay physical, (goes along with the feeling like I would come out of my body).

Also something else, little, maybe unimportant, but thought I would mention it just the same, tend to lick my lips a lot (whether they are dry or not). And usually more so when nervous, uncomfortable.

The last time I remember crying in my dream and I don't know if I actually cried in my dreams because I woke up from my dream at the exact time I started crying was that dream I mentioned several years ago dreaming of my mom dying.

This crying was definitely different in the aspect that it took place in the middle of the dream where I clearly remember crying in the dream but not feeling anything when I woke up, so I don't think I've ever had anything like that before.

While I attribute the events on May 8th as the most important, I did also get water in my ear the one day after that event and several weeks later the dizziness really started up, the rocking, etc.

Just prior to May 8th, had lots of fullness in the sinuses. Wake up in mornings, feeling all congested in the head/sinuses. Got better as day went on, always worse in morning. Then also had sensation of my ears being plugged up, mostly my right ear. And could barely hear, or couldn't hear normally, it was like being under water. This lasted for several weeks.

I have found several websites where people describe symptoms almost exactly like mine, and one person mentioned something that gave me a good idea of how to explain some of the symptoms. They described as a bucket of water in the head. And I would say it's more like water in a bucket sloshing back and fourth type sensation in the head and sometimes feel like the body is that way too when I'm really light, that would be the best way for me to explain the feeling nonphysical, like that soluble substance I mentioned.

I guess it's another way to describe the force that moves around in me, or that I feel moving. The bucket sloshing feeling is more in my head, but when I get really light, and yes, when walking do feel it too to a degree, like my body is kind of moving around like that, and yes does affect balance because I feel like I'm not quite grounded, stable with my position to the universe or environment. I mean not like I really wood fall, but sometimes sensation like I might. It's like the other people who explained their symptoms said, 'It's not like a typical vertigo where the room is spinning or anything.' It's almost like the sensation of if you were coming in on a boat up to the dock and you were tying the boat there, and you go to get out and you know that feeling how the boat kind of rocks but at the same time, also depending where the boat is in relation to the dock or if it moves, you can have the sensation of rocking but also the sensation of the boat moving away from the dock as you're trying to get onto the dock or onto the land. It's the same sensation, the rocking, but then also feeling like the environment is moving away from you as you are in a certain position and you know you're there, but it feels like it moves, even though your reason tells you that it can't be moving.

Yes, when moving and not moving pretty much the same. The sensations when moving do seem better, just like when I first took the medorrhinum. Still there, but to a lesser degree (the sensation of the floor moving - rocking back and fourth and the objects also rocking as if on a boat). Then there's also a sensation that is weird, like when I'm leaning against a wall or something solid that it feels like I'm bouncing off the wall, either like part of me is bouncing off the wall or that the wall itself is pushing me out or is moving out and in, out and in, like a breathing motion. And there is also the sensation again that I'm not totally physical and I could almost pass through the wall (this has been going on since all this began, not a new symptom).

And something else, with the wanting to eat a lot, despite gaining wait, I feel like I'm really think sometimes. Feel as if I'm losing weight and need to keep eating more, even though I'm clearly not.

Feel thirsty again tonight. Desire for water as opposed to juice or anything else. Felt the same way last night, and this is something new, and really only get thirst like this at night before bed.

Had another dream last night, don't remember all of it, only bits and pieces, but there was this girl, and I was in a cafe or something sitting at a table with her and there were some other people there, and one person a friend from high school. And in my dream I liked this girl, but she didn't really like me, she was more interested in this other guy, and I was asking her why she wasn't interested in me, why she wouldn't go out with me and she gave me this explainations like I was odd or something, but the guy she liked didn't have a job and was in trouble with the law or something. And I just kept being persistent and teasing her about why she wouldn't go out with me. Finally I kind of wore her resistance down and (others around me were also looking at her like come on, go out with the guy, what's wrong with you) and I remember saying something like, 'So, I have to come back here for such and such (can't quite remember what it was, but it was very obvious it was just an excuse to get a date with her, like I didn't really have to be there for that reason), and that I would see her in September. I don't remember a particular day, so it was kind of odd, but she agreed.

The major theme though of the dream was that I was confident, suave, I was persistent, didn't give up at first sign of rejection, but it wasn't like I was a pest either, did it with humor and tact and just handled it perfectly and was a positive outcome in the end because I remember her smiling when she agreed to meet me again. So it was completely the way I would like to handle situations (not freaking out, overreacting, not letting rejection bother me and still managing to be clever and use rejection to my advantage, to make it work for me).

Completely unlike me. Well, at least when I'm dealing with someone in person. I can be pretty sharp, quick qitted and like I was in that dream when chatting with someone online, but get me in person and I'm different. I've always been better at expressing myself through writing than verbally so the real me that comes out in writing, emails, letters, chatting online is the same me that wants to come out in person but I just don't have the same confidence.

So I mean I've had experiences where I felt like I did in the dream within the past few days talking with someone online, but I don't think I've ever felt with someone in person like I did in that dream, and I don't think I've ever had a dream like that either. Normally it's dreams of people rejecting me, and in this case things actually worked out.

Well, I feel like I've always had a strong sexual desire, but lack the energy that goes with that desire, as far as the physical manifestation of that energy/desire. Tended to be very scared of intimacy, and was very close with the last girl that I went to another state to see and probably why it was so hard because I really did feel comfortable with her. Not at first though, like I like hugs, but when it was something more intimate, like a kiss or being close, I would get really scared. One girl I totally stopped seeing her just because she had kissed me one time. Got really uncomfortable, nervous, sick on the stomach.

To add to that, I can't say for sure, but it's almost like I'm lacking testosterone, because I've never been like a strong male type, always weak, and emotional, female characteristics emotionally. People just see me naturally as weak and like they can walk all over me because I'm a really nice guy, don't have any machoness or anything, not that I want to be that way, but I lack that tough, strong, male character which I believe testosterone contributes to that.

Here's something else that probably won't make much sense unless you've ever used a chi machine, but I have one of those things where you lay down and put your feet up on it, called the chi machine and it is supposed to move you almost like the movement a snake moves (moving the spine) and appreantly move chi energy around in the body. Well, I hadn't used it for a long time and decided to get it back out and try it again and WOW, I can certainly induce the symptoms that are the most troublesome just by using that thing. When I used to use it before, it felt like there was a lot more energy to move around, now when I use it it just doesn't seem like there as much 'tingling' or energy moving around in my body and almost to the point where there is so little that when it does move all around I feel like it's not enough to keep me alive or something. It's so strange, but I got really light, and had the feeling like I was going to come out of my body, was so scared. Only used it a couple minutes and then stopped it and when you stop it and lay there, that's when most of the tingling/energy moves around in your body, also from previous use, the time when most of the energy goes to your head area, however I didn't feel as much, and it just made me feel really light/airy, like I was hanging onto my life again, like I would separate from my body. Almost just feels like there just isn't enough of me there.

Something related, and this may all be useless information I don't really know, but when this first happened, my one friend who is a psychic did a reading for me and she said it was a psychic attack, but she also said when she did the reading it was as if I wasan't all there and she said it was as if I was needed in the spirit world. Like there was part of me that left to go do something important and another part that stayed behind or something???? I'm not sure. Then there's the explaination of dissociative disorder or something where because of a severe trauma part of the consciousness splits off. Not sure what to think.

Also have the senation of not being quite all the way down in my body, tendency to want to rootch (slide) further down into my body. Sometimes feel like I'm higher up in my body than I should be, and at times like I'm higher up than my body is. When it first happened. Maybe November for the first time it felt like I was looking down on my body. I haven't had that extreme in awhile. but every day around five oclock I notice it to some degree that I feel that I'm higher up than my body actually is. Not that my body is larger, like my energy is up above my body.

Haven't really had thar sensation in the chest like I mentioned the other day, you know though, as I'm trying this and really focusing on that area, what came to mind was it's almost like what I had before with the weight in my chest, not only was it weight, but it was like a pain, it hurt, but I know for sure it was emotional pain it was an aching pain. It's as if NOW that I still have a teeny bit of that sensation left and instead of being focused over the entire sternum/chest area, it's over just a little area about the size of a pin. So take a pin and place it vertically over my chest/sternum closer to the right breast though and it's a little aching pain. My having described the piece torn off is almost like the rest of it that I used to feel was part of what's left, but it was torn off and this is all that's left. Not totally sure on that, it's so strange, but that's the best I can come up with to describe it.

Something else, I'm consistently feeling thirsty in evening which is new for me. I thought at first there was no change, but just took a little while, cause I'm normally not thirsty like this all the time.

Also, last night did not eat a snack before bed and not sure I feel like it tonight either.

Slept good, didn't have any problems getting to sleep last night or staying asleep, slept straight through until alarm went off. Might have had a dream, but didn't remember anything on waking. Still trying to think about it, usually if there was something I will remember it later, but not coming up with anything. Which reminds me, kind of unrelated, but my thought pattern is very sporadic or should I say broken up. Like I'll have a partial thought and think I have said everything, but then later I'll think of something else, and usually do best when I have a chance to pause between thoughts, which is why it's easier for me to write than to express something in person.

This afternoon, eyes were really tired, and were rubbing them (not itchy) just rubbing eyes and started seeing sparks everywhere, like yellow/gray. Have had sparks like that in front of the eyes before and normally they would fall down, this time they went side to side, left to right, like a plane flying in the air.

Also thought of another way to describe the out of body thing or feeling like I'm going to come out of my body. This afternoon getting back from a regional meeting was in the car and of course had that sensation that when stopped at a light or something that we needed to keep moving, like it was urgent, must keep moving or I'm going to die, come out of my body. This only happens when in a car. But the other thing, was my feeling that I'm almost outside but directly in front of my body and have the feeling like I'm just barely connected to it. Whereas before this all began it was more a feeling like I was behind my body. You know, like the different feeling you get if you have something heavy laying on top of you versus you laying on top of that thing. So when I feel like my body is invisible or foreign, like I don't recognize it, it's almost as if I were in the forefront and my body were in the background.