Stronger Potency or Better Remedy? _{Page 9 of 44}

Okay, will do.

John, also forgot to tell you that anticipation, like when I'm worried about something coming up always makes symptoms worse. Many times my symptoms will get worse or I will find myself sick when there is something, some evnet or meeting or something that I'm really nervous about or not sure about, scared of (fear of the unknown). Not always, but does seem consistent. Also tend to get shaky and tremble when excited, doesn't matter if it's good excited or bad excited.

It actually just happened which is what made me think about it. Just talked with a friend haven't seen in awhile and going to get together with him this afternoon and it's a feeling of excitement, but also get shaky, trembling with that, even though it's a good feeling. I can't say it has really changed at all since the medorrhinum / phosphorus.

Took the Natrum Mur and I'd say within five minutes got an instant feeling of warmth throughout the body. Pretty gneeral all over, not really a specific area, just feel like I just heated up all throughout my body.

Also notice a burning sensation in the nostrils, mostly the right, almost as if you had squirted something up in them like alcohol that stings.

Feel somewhat out of body yet, but body feels like it belongs to me, looks physical.

Heaviness in head has returned (a good heaviness). More normal heaviness in chest too.

General feeling of apprehension about something, but don't know what. FEel like something is not right, something is wrong, but don't really know what it is, and just like that, not completely at it's worst, but again feeling like my body is foreign or like i don't recognize it, like it's strange. Still lots of heat. Tingling/crawling/fuzzy feeling in head.

Okay, so all within a period of five minutes or so, things got a lot better and then started getting that feeling like something was wrong and symptoms reverted back. Almost all sensations (nostrils, head feeling heavier) seemed to last only a few minutes, and it seems like it might be going back and fourth, like alternating.

The feeling of intense heat is consistent, though that too does increase to a degree at times, wax/wane, but at least doesn't completely go away.

Also noticed throat feeling dry like the sensation I have at night with thrist only maybe a little more intense.

Hands sweating like crazy off and on. Seems to get better but then comes back again later.

Seems almost hard to believe that I would react this to such a degree that quickly, but I am.

Also, lasting only a few minutes, noticed a sharp pain (like nerve) in the are of the right kidney. Have had aching in the kidneys before, but don't remember a sharp pain like that before but could be wrong.

The sensation of heat occuring in the body has occured before, and most recently with the phosphorus.

The burning in the nostrils has never occured before like that unless I've gotten something in my nose, water, alcohol, chlorine.

I also do not think the sharp pain in the kidneys has occured before either.

The feeling of aprehension or feeling like something was not right, not sure that's the best way to describe it, but it was very odd and don't know any other way. I've had genral apprehension/anxiety before but not like that without a specific cause, without being able to name something that I was afraid of or worried about.

Of course the heaviness in the head has been alternating over the past couple weeks here as we've been trying different remedies, going from light to heavy.

The hands sweating like crazy was very prominent after the medorrhinum, had been occuring much more frequently before moving back home and some when first moved back home, so it's probably been other than just recently after Medorrhinum about 3 months since had that major sweating of hands.

The feeling of dry throat and thrist has been happening ever since phosphorus but only at night, this time happened during the day after medorrhinum, around 1:00 or so.

Also this afternoon, sensation when walking as if I would fall forward, like I was tilted that way, even though walking straight, felt like I was tilted toward the floor as walking. Never had that before, again symptoms came on, but went away shortly after.

Well, with the dryness of throat that I mentioned, there is that thirst also, so I'd say that yes more consistently throughout the day I'm thirsty now which is not like me at all. My whole life I've never been that way. Always felt like drinking very little.

I would say 20 minutes or so after taking the remedy had to goto the bathroom (stool), nothing unusual though. And I can't say anything about urine either.

No cravings or anythign appetitie wise, hungry but again, it's more just needing something to eat rather than thinking of something specific that I really want like carbs.

Something interesting, not sure if this was real or imagined, but went for a drive this afternoon to store and some other errands and normally I tend to get like adrenaline rushes from driving, like always in a hurry, gotta go fast etc. and even though I was driving normally like I always do, it felt like things were moving slower, I didn't feel like I was getting that rush that I get like I'm holding on and out racing around or something. Things almost seemed to be moving slower and felt relaxed while driving. So that was odd and never had that before either. But wasn't quite as much like that on the way home. So I've just been noticing a lot of changes that lasta for a little bit and then after that don't notice them again or some of the others that have come and gone and come and gone and now it's kind of at a standstill.

Didn't sleep real good last night, slept (had some trouble getting to sleep), but wasn't refreshing.

Also seemed to have bubbly/foamy saliva last night. I had these little bubbles all over my tongue and I looked at my saliva and it was the same way, I had this before too though when I was in the other state and was having issues sleeping and stuff at night. Probably September/November. Just really odd.

Had dreams last night about meeting a celebrity. Also outside the store before I went in (and met him) there were kids playing video games and they needed more money, the one kid asked for some pennies, so I gave him a quarter thinking he could play more than one round and he took it and threw it away and walked away so I wes really mad and went and picked my quarter back up and then saw all kinds of money laying where he had thrown it, quarters and dimes and nickles and was picking them all up. Then another girl that was there wanted all the pennies, so I was giving her my pennies that I had. And then a cop came and was watching as if we had done something wrong, had broken the machines or something to get the money so I quickly picked up the handful I was working on and walked away (the girl too) and the cop didn't follow us or anything.

Not really too much different, still having the alternating heat in the body and the hands sweating like crazy, sometimes the feet too, but mostly just the hands, no anxiety or anything with it.

None of the other positive changes like the body feeling heavier has come back. Still have the rocking sensations, hasn't really changed that much. Feel somewhat lighter, but not quite as much as with the phosphorus.

Was feeling very hopeful yesterday, positive, today just feeling totally opposite. Though that's par for the course for me, alternating between extremes, hopeful hopeless. And you can be sure that if one day I'm feeling really positive and hopeful the very next day it's going to be the very opposite, almost without fail, rarely does it last two days in a row.

Last nights sleep was good. Didn't have much trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep.

Two dreams. One was that I was back at the car dealership again and trying to get my job back. They told me that if I sold enough cars I could have my job back. Everybody there was glad I was back, happy to see me again.

The second, I was driving along on the road, and I think I was headed toward work where I work now, and this guy stopped me at this stop sign, said he needed a ride, and I didn't really trust him, thought he might have a gun or something but decided to give him a ride anyway and later he did pull a gun on me.

Something else I noticed after taking Nat Mur, my face got more pale. Around November I believe I got this golden type color, I mean it looked normal, but just looked like I had more color which was unusual for me. Before I had always been very pale (normal for me), so I feel like that's back, so nothing new.

I feel like when my hands are sweating the most, the noise in my ears/head gets louder.

I feel like to a degree the physical rocking might be better, still feeling really weird though because visually it seems like things still move or jump. Like sitting here staring at the keyboard, it looks like it's rising up in the air. Or rising up and moving back down. Sometimes it seems to move side to side. And then I feel physically like I'm moving.

Also symptoms are worse when sitting in front of computer, I think because of Electromagnetic Stress. I seem to be very sensitive to it.

Lots of itching in my groin/crotch area, only on right side. Not new though, and always on right side, never on left side. Most severe was around November, but have had it throughout life.

Still feel like my feet don't touch the ground or like my feet are gliding over the surface of the floor when I walk, sometimes stop to make sure that I'm really standing on the ground.

Also, feel like I'm higher than I should be when standing, like I'm towering over things, and I'm no tall, so everything seems out of balance in that respect.

The rocking seems to be worse now when standing than when sitting. When sitting it feels more like the visual aspect. When standing, feels more physical as if the floor is moving up and down below my fett or pushing my feet up in the air and normally it's only one at a time and it will alternate, like feel like the right foot is being pushed up, then the left foot,t hen both feet, then right foot, left foot, both etc. Not always that way, but that's the best I can descrie it.

Sweating of the hands is the palms and mostly the center. But you can almost see sparkles of wetness everywhere on the hand (palm side) including fingers. But again worst is the center where you would hold something in your hand and clentch it. The feet, same thing, bottoms of the feet, not all the time, but sometimes enough to drench socks.

Hands occurs more than the feet. When the feet sweat most it seems like I have the sensation of being lightest. When hands sweat there is more anxiety and noise in the ears gets louder. Sweating of the hands, sometimes twice a day, feet maybe only once a day.

Didn't sleep very well last night, got to sleep around 3:00 and then slept till about 5:30. Same thing as before, just restless, impatient, the heat was really bothering me last night and I'm sure that's why I couldn't sleep. Have always had trouble sleeping in summer my whole life.

Thought I had dreams but don't remember anything of them if I did.

Usual rocking today whether sitting or standing. Again, don't feel like my body is solid, feel like it's fluid or like the makeup of my body has changed. Sometimes feel like the molecular structure of my body is being torn apart.

Still have the sensation that everything is moving all around when walking (like on a ship). Sensation of rocking back and fourth when sitting.

Feeling really light again (started around 11:00), though didn't feel the greatest this morning when got up (probably lack of good sleep) and having the sensation as if part of me were floating out ahead the rest of my body, like the time when I was driving in a car and stopped real quick and felt like I was still moving forward at the same speed even though my body was staying in the same spot.

Afraid I'm going to die, sweating of hands is increased again, and feeling like barely holding onto my life. Like I'm just not going to live much longer, like I'm lucky if I make it through this day.

Guess I don't feel quite so thirsty anymore at night, only last night did I notice that. And I also yesterday (though I'm pretty sure it's because of the heat), just didn't really know what I wanted to eat, didn't really feel like making/eating anything so I just ate cereal. Tend to get that way when it's hot, hungry, but don't feel like eating anything.

Still lots of tingling/crawling/fuzziness in the head. More so than the feet, but still have it in the feet sometimes.

Still getting benign growth in the brain - cerebellum.

This as did my chronic pain also seems to be a cycle of where after so long of it, I can't deal with it anymore and get angry. Like today, for a brief while, with the fear of death, I started getting upset like, 'Okay, fine God, you want me to die, take me right now, don't waste any more time, quit playing games with me. Right now, strike me dead.' That's the anger starting to come out, sometimes have rage, feel like I want to smash things, destroy things, just tired of it. Then I get to the point where I just say, 'fine, you know what, I'm not gonna do a darned thing with my life. I'm gonna sit here and waste away until I die. I don't care about anything anymore (of course I do). So then the apathy, indifference takes over when I calm down, like, 'what can I do, nothing helps, nothing is ever going to help (self-pitty), and while I continue to try things and hope, just feel like nothing is going to work anyway, feel like I'm being blocked, like there's just something working against me all the time. If I try to move left, whatever it is, blocks me. If I try to move right, it blocks me. It's as if it knows before I do what I'm going to do and as soon as I try something different it's like I get an intitial response, but then bam, I get blocked. Like there is something of intelligence preventing me from getting better. Have always had this feeling, even about other things in life, not just health, like no matter what I do I can't seem to get ahead, so naturally I start to feel like life is meant to be full of misery and suffering and nothing is supposed to ever work out, that's just the way life is. So why even bother living? I guess cause I don't really believe that's how it is. But still, a person can only try for so long and feeling as if things never work out/fall into place before it drains you, before you lose hope, before you feel like there's no light at the end of the tunnel and the only thing to do is to just continue on, struggle along, never really getting anywhere, but what else is there to do? Get periodic moments of inspiration and hopefullness, but doesn't last long, because things don't work out in the end.

Not that I'm not afraid I'm going to die, but the intense feeling as if I'm not going to make it through the day went away, only lasted a short while.

Little while ago, head got really light (which of course worsens the feeling of bobbing up and down and rocking), tingling in the head, also got feeling of pressure in the head/skull. Crainial pressure and sharp pain in the back of the neck, more right sided and close to skull then to shoulders. Lasted only a short while and went away.

Yeah I think you summed it up pretty good. I guess that's the part of things that adds to depression, despair, helplessness, hopelessness etc. because on one hand I don't WANT to give up, I feel like there has to be something and yet feeling like everything tried there's a block. So what do you do in a situation like that? I have not found an answer to that question yet. All I can tell you is that whatever is at work in this situation is the same thing at work in my chronic pain for the past seven years when nothing worked now it just shifted to a different degree of problem I suppose. I don't know. At this point I would be happy to go back to just having the chronic pain and feeling bad in that way, but you know what they say hindsight is 20/20 if I knew back then what I knew now, I would have just learned to live with the pain and not been so desperate to find an answer.

The doctor who put my testing kits together and deals with all kinds of different energy medicine keeps reminding me that even spiritual problems are rooted in physical imbalances, that even if it's some curse or evil spirit or something like that, not sure what to think, but even if it were that, it still should only be able to affect me on spiritual plane because of physical imbalance allowing the spiritual to manifest symptoms imbalances. In otherwords if everything is energy, for something spiritual (all energy since not physical) to affect us here in the physical, it still needs to have a physical place for the imbalance to host itself and you can't have that if there is not a weakness to begin with.

It's almost like everything needs to be strenghthened way beyond being able to be imbalanced all at one time so there's not weakness for the issue to move to. It just seems like it moves around, wherever it can find a weakness. Classical homeopathy is the best in a case like that, but even the most perfect fitting remedy, the one that covers the most issues isn't going to have everything and it seems like that one area it doesn't cover just leaves the door open for the problem to move to.

So in that respect it seems like there is nothing that can be done, yet I just don't believe that.

I really feel without a doubt that whatever happend on May 8th is responsible for my current state, the severe trauma, shock, terror.

At times I think it's my own body that's working against me which in that case, it seems like it should be something where the Brain is not giving proper instructions. Or could it be subconscious that is programmed to work against me. I don't know. But then other times it seems like the same issues working against me in health work against me in life as a whole. Things don't ever just naturally work out for me. Most of the time it's like I'm trying to paddle up a stream with the current full force going the other way and I'm just barely staying away from the edge/waterfall but really never making any headway. And times when progress does seem to happen, it seems like random events happen that prevent any further progress. One can't help but feel cursed.

And the strangest and most unsual things always happen to me that are never really dangerous or life threatening but just always major annoyances, add frustration, and also are problematic enough that it affects my life to a degree where others notice but just think I'm depressed and need medication. Also such unusual things that others look at me like I'm crazy, so there really is nobody out there who understands what I go through, when I try to explain to people they act like I'm being a baby, making it up or just trying to get attention or all of the above (probably because it does seem so unbelievable). And even if I do manage to convince others that I'm not crazy and really experiencing what I say I am, there is absolutely no sympathy or understanding, I just tend to get kicked even more when I'm down.

I have talked with counselors, spiritual advisors, etc and have some good friends much older than I who all they have to offer is, 'Steve, you certainly have gone through a lot more in your short life than anybody I know, life certainly has not been easy on you.' And sure these experiences help to shape us, mold us, make us into better people, but after awhile it just seems like, 'Man, am I being singled out by the divine for some sort of punishment or something.'

When it was just my chronic pain I used to make remedy after remedy after remedy and would get the same result every time, when I was close enough to the issue it would be an instant miraculous cure like response but only for a short while, nothing would work after that. Back then when I first stated experiencing it, I used to describe it as a block in the nerves, like something was trying to drill it's way through (after I would take the remedy), but like it just couldn't make it. Maybe proper nerve signals are not getting through to heal the problem.

I just don't know John. It would be the same way when I was upset about something or something was an issue in my life and I would pray to God for an answer and time and time again things would take a turn for the worse. So what would happen, I'd get angry with God, yell at God, 'why are you doing this to me?'

As little as I can remember stuff like this would happen. I had issues with bedwetting past the normal age, and even before I started school, kids would always invite me to sleepover, nothing else, only that. And of course I could never go, so I never had any friends, same thing as I got older and had tried all kinds of different things nothing helped with it, I finally outgrew it, but a whole part of my life in making friends and developing relationships I had to forego and it was one of those things where I would get initially excited, 'Hey mom, so and so invited me over, can I go?' And she'd be like, 'You know you can't go.' So then I'd get depressed and just soon learned that I couldn't ever say yes to opportunities. Then when I started school, the cruelest kids used to always be attracted to me. In elementary school I would rarely eat lunch because kids stole my lunches every single day, and I didn't do anything about it, the teachers didn't do anything about it.

I could go on and on, but I'm not here to tell a sob story, my point to all this is that I wonder if there isn't such deep emotional traumas that are just blocking this whole case. Problem again though is if there is so much and they are so deep, how do you treat everything at once, and you probably can't. And if you can't does that keep the case blocked? If it is Kundalini, I read over and over again, that nothing works, nothing helps. But also read a couple cases where people have overcome their emotional issues and they claim the Kundalini stopped.

I think when I was really young and having issues with bedwetting that I may have been having nightmares even though I didn't remember them consciously, so there may even back then have been some kind of spiritual issue leaving me open to issues with fear.

And also growing up, feeling like my parents didn't want me because it seemed like my brother (five years younger than me) was always favored. When I wanted to goto school, my parents wouldn't send me because they didn't agree with what I wanted to go for. When my brother was supposed to be saving up money in his job for school but instead spends it on computer stuff, they gave him the extra money to pay for his computer and money for college. When I buy supplements or stuff, my mom opens my mail and bank statements and has a fit when she sees I've been spending money. My brother crashed into the garage door and my mom told him not to do it again and gave him a hug. When I spill something on the floor, mom screams and yells and carries on to the point where I feel like I'd rather be dead than live with the extreme pain that I just caused her by such a little thing that I did.

There is a complete difference between the life my brother is living and the life I'm living. He's the one who has his life together and is doing something worthwhile, a success enough for my parents to tell other people so, and well I'm the son they try to avoid talking about whenever possible, the one who is weak and has emotional problems and needs help.

So maybe the block is just a very deep deep rooted feeling of not being worthy of anything along with the emotional hurt of feeling like I was never loved unconditionally. I don't know.